As 2019 is coming to an end there are so many things I am grateful for. My challenges, my triumphs and closing the year off with my new little muffin in the oven. My newest addition will be Arriving March 2019!!! And I am over the moon excited to see this little guys face.
BUUUUUT being pregnant and at almost 31, I have noticed that my ” sexy” isn’t the same . I don’t feel as beautiful as I should. Of course carrying a little human isn’t as cracked up as it seems to be. Everyone’s pregnancy photos look so beautiful but I don’t think many people realize the struggles that expecting mothers struggle with on a day-to-day. The constant body changes; from the weight gain, the skin changes , bigger clothes and the emotional roller coaster. ! So many thoughts running through your mind and feeling like you have so much to do with ZERO time to do it in,. Who has the time to think about being sexy!
I sure don’t ! As sad as it sounds I have not had much energy to even to my hair nicely or put on any make up. I don’t want to go outside or put on clothes because I just don’t feel like I look nice. Its bringing out all of the insecurities. Talking to other mothers I have realized I am not alone. Most of the time we are looking to feel and have the same energy as we did prior to pregnancy and the fact is that’s just not how it works. Being that we are going through so many changes we are often putting Soooo much pressure on our partners for validation. And lets face it not all men understand the personal battles we go through. Then we lash out and they have no idea why.
In situations where you aren’t feeling like yourself its OK to be vulnerable ( I’ve learned) and letting your partner know. Hey I need a night out where we get dressed up so I can show off my new belly and feel good about it. Or even a night in with some sexy lingerie ( and YES ladies they do have maternity lingerie I have invested in some myself ). It’s all about understanding what your feeling and how to process it in a positive manner.
Taking a moment to look at yourself in the mirror and realize that its possible that your body may not go back to its original state but to love yourself for all your new curves and “stretchies” ( as I like to call them ) And understanding that your baby is going to love you regardless of any of the hard feelings you endure. At the end of the day that is all that matters.
I have 15 more weeks left in my journey with this little guy and my only hope is for a healthy little boy ! To all of you mommies out there worried about your sexy just know being beautiful and SEXY is what got you that bun in oven in the first place 🙂 EMBRACE IT!
November 8, 2018 has all become a day we will grow to remember. The day a tragic fire began and displaced thousands of families and animals from the place they have called home. As onlookers sometimes it is hard to sympathize with tragedy if it does not directly affect us but for me this hit home. This past Monday while working a woman and her husband came into my job with only the clothes they had been evacuated in. They needed to purchase more clothing and undergarments just to last them as long as possible. What bothered me so much is they still had to pay out-of-pocket . Then all these questions came to my mind. ” how does anyone know they can afford to survive now or after the fire, how can someone build a life they love and lose it all in the blink of an eye and WHO was going to help these people get back to some sort or normality ?”
It’s amazing how such a beautiful town can be standing tall one day and then wiped out as if it didn’t exist. I always wonder if there is a bigger meaning behind Disasters such as these. If they have deeper meaning behind them and what they are trying to teach us. Of course we have no control over what nature wants to do. But why so much loss and devastation? Why take the lives of innocent people ? Especially innocent children.
I had not realized until that moment how selfish people can be sometimes when it comes to these tragedies . We all watch the news and say the same things, “that’s terrible or that’s so sad.” But do we ever take the time to put ourselves in the victims shoes? They have lost homes, memories, even unable to locate family members and pets in the midst of the chaos. We are so busy with life and the day-to-day things that we never really take a moment to be appreciative of what we have and how quickly we could lose it all. This one fire has affected 138,00 acres of land, claimed the lives of 56 innocent people, destroyed 8,756 homes and 260 commercial buildings. So much loss in only 8 days and the numbers continue to rise. National Disasters are beyond our control but not sympathizing with the way these people are feeling ; the individuals who don’t have close family to stay with for a shower or a hot meal. These people are in shelters or sleeping in cars in parking lots. How selfish would I be not to find someway to help those in need especially during the holiday season. While I’m sitting home with my family enjoying life with Thanksgiving right around the corner. The least I could do is lend a helping hand anyway possible.
There are many volunteers lending their time and energy into helping search for lost family members, animals and helping with shelter and food for the victims. We have rescue teams working around the clock to ensure that this fire does not continue to spread and sadly the fire is still only 35% contained. This could only mean more devastation and tragedy for those in the surrounding areas. Living in the Valley I am personally being affected as well as so many others from the unhealthy air quality. It is encouraged that you obtain a mask when outside and limit your outside activities as much as possible. Especially young children, pregnant woman and the elderly.
With all of this being said the simple point I’d like to get across is that it only takes a minute to stop at a local donation center. Give clothes , canned goods or even $1 helps. Just imagine what we could accomplish if we all just donated something. I have created a Go-fund me and will attach the link to this blog. My personal Facebook, my Written By Vontress Facebook and as well as my Instagram accounts. Anything helps if we come together as a community and be a blessing to someone.
Camp Fire Donations
Are you tired of the ” Good Morning sexy”, or the ” you so finnnnee” DMs from men. But not just ANY man ! The man who has a wife, a girlfriend, shoot maybe both and a baby on the way ! CLEARLY in a relationship and yet all in your face. YESSSS ME TO! Now don’t get me wrong , compliments and well wishes are nice and all but from one single person to the next ! I think it is the most offensive thing to be approached and otherwise pursued by a man who chooses to disrespect his woman or family in order to be all in the next woman’s face ! I can’t seem to understand what men get out of doing this! For one if you aren’t happy in your own relationship LEAVE ! There is nothing that complicated keeping you in a relationship that you aren’t happy in ! Why are we damaging woman who often times don’t deserve the things that are going on behind her back !
What makes me chuckle is they will hop in your DM and you’ll make it clear like ” Hey, i’m aware of your wife/ girlfriend” and the famous line is ” We aren’t together or we are going through a rough patch.” Now all those things are fine and dandy and most women who are being approached could care less about those. But WHY? WHY? WHY? is it that the first thing on a mans mind to do is to run to the next woman?! Why is it so hard to be man enough to fix the things that are going wrong in a relationship or JUST LEAVE !! But they don’t hear me though ! For one let me let the men out there know that most of us woman are not interested in being a rebound or a booty call or the chick for the moment when your girlfriend isn’t acting the way YOU want her to. No matter what lies you are throwing around. Personally I have been approached several times with this same situation and the first thing I feel is disrespect !
I feel disrespected by the fact you would think so less of me as to only try to pursue me in order to fill a void that you aren’t getting elsewhere or to think that I would have sex with you just to be another notch on your belt. I’m sorry NOT HAPPENING !! Given there are women okay with this and feel like they are the “prize ” because a man is willing to mess with them behind their woman’s back. But in my personal opinion those woman need a little sense knocked in them if you catch my drift !! I can’t figure out why men don’t see this behavior ass disrespectful. Why is OK to view me as a piece of meat ? Now lets think about this:
- You slid in my DM
- I’m dumb enough to believe the lies you throw me
- THEN we hook up or meet up some form of fuckery behind your woman’s back
- Someone catches feelings ( most often the woman )
- the man does one of two things ! a) breaks up with his girlfriend and I become the girlfriend and THEN my “secret position” is up for grabs or b) he disappears and goes back to his woman and leaving me back at square one !
Now who in their right mind wants that sort of drama in their life ! The other thing that really bothers me is they have someone at home and then see that you are married/taken and STILL feel the need to make a way into speaking to you ! Given not all men are trying to get at you BUT for the ones that do like REALLY MAN?! You see me posting my man/family and you disrespect me and my relationship by feeling that you are important enough to come between a bond that’s already been built!
I say all this to say Fellas : as much as we love you learn some respect ! Not just for yourself , your own woman but other peoples homes and families as well. We get it everything isn’t always peachy at home and you just feel like the grass is greener ! To be very honest it isn’t lol We ALL come with something good or bad ! and No this isn’t a bashing against the men because there are PLENTY of woman who slide in the DMs. These same sort of women are chasing men with families and wives as well and over all its unattractive. It makes someone view you as untrustworthy and very disrespectful ! So when pursing a woman keep in mind; NO things will not always be perfect like in the love movies but they can start out respectfully and honestly ! Close one door before opening another ! You’ll get more replies that way LOL
A few years ago I read a book called ” The 5 Love Languages ” by Gary Chapman. And at the time I was single and not really interested in anything that didn’t revolve around me and pleasing me . So I never took into consideration things that it was trying to teach me. Until recently I forced myself to read the book again so I could get a better understanding. I’ve come to realize that this book is much needed in any relationship. For those who are unfamiliar with the book; it’s a book that gives detailed information of the things that an individual needs to feel satisfied, loved and appreciated in a relationship. The list includes :
- Acts Of Service ( helping your partner with a task big or small)
- Words of Affirmation (hearing REASONS why you love your partner)
- Physical Touch( Not always Sexual- but hugs and hand holding)
- Quality Time( uninterrupted time alone)
- Receiving Gifts (Small or grand unexpected gestures)
Now some people will think “oh these are simple things.” The fact of the matter is you can be expressing your love in the way that YOU would like to receive it from your partner but not necessarily the way your partner would like to receive it from you . This is where the nagging comes in ( as men would like to call it ).
“you never take me out”
“why don’t you kiss me or hold my hand”
“can you take out the trash without me telling you 100 times”
“why don’t you tell me i’m beautiful”
After realizing what I read, and finally understanding what the book was trying to teach me ;that age old saying ” treat people how you want to be treated”, came into my head. This saying in my opinion is incorrect. I took a short 5 minutes of my time to take the Love Language quiz and realized that I prefer Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service over anything and number 3. for me was Physical touch. Which means someone can take the same test and have all different Love Languages than myself. Then you ask yourself , “so how does this work?” COMMUNICATION!!!! It means sitting with your partner and asking them specifically the the things that they NEED from you in order to feel loved and secure with you. As easy as this sounds it’s truly not. Based on the fact that someones love language may be uncomfortable for you to give. For example, Words of affirmation. I am HORRIBLE with verbally expressing myself and things often times come out wrong. Which may in turn cause a problem for a person who needs positive words or words of support from me because I don’t know exactly how to deliver them. Same goes for someone who needs Physical Touch to feel secure but their partner is someone who doesn’t need much affection. I think that truly understanding your partner and the things that they need in order to feel secure with you could save so many relationships and help couples to really communicate better. It’s all about wanting your man/woman to feel appreciated as well as adding to their happiness. I am no relationship expert but I truly feel that this book opened my eyes to things I was selfish about in the past and will definitely take the time to know and understand in my own relationships.
For those of you interested in the test that I took I have left the link below.
Love Language Quiz
Since becoming a Published Author I have come across so many talented individuals in the world of poetry and self publishing. It makes me so proud to know that people are making such efforts to follow their dreams and do the things they are passionate about.
I was fortunate enough to have conversation with a young Ugandan man by the name of Mugisha Mugibson. We spoke about his love for poetry , his friends who have has such a influence and support in his decision to go after his dreams of writing a book of poetry. We spoke about how remaining connected to his Beliefs he is able to stay motivated in his craft. He shared with me his Debut Poetry book , ” Stellar Youth.” I’d have to say I was very impressed with the maturity of this young mans words. There was a deep emotion and passion in every poem and I could tell that every word came from a place of love. The book goes over the various stages of love, happiness, and even the feelings of a good old High School Crush in his poem ” Dear Crush.”
My personal Favorite is titles ” May I have a Copy.” A simple way to ask a person you love to have a smile, the look in their eyes and to light up your world to carry with you when they aren’t around.
I truly enjoyed the book and the usage of words the Author chose. It was different in metaphor and yet so connecting to it’s readers. It was an honor to be one of the first to have read this book upon it’s release. This book is available for download on Amazon. I have provided the link below.
If you’d like to take the time to get connected with the Author and information on Mugibson’s Book as well as other updates for releases check out his Instagram and Facebook.
Many people have asked me to break down the title of my book. There are a couple reasons it came about. Starting with turning 30 I realized I had no clue what to do with my life. What my passion was or even what I was good at. And all the while my greatest passion was sitting in all of my diaries over the years. I’ve always had a passion for writing because I have never been very good with speaking or expressing my inner feelings verbally. I never understood the power of sharing your testimony would be the way to heal yourself and give others to courage to heal themselves. This book and its inspiration came from many journal entries of mine over the past year. Not Just my own personal experiences but from others around me and just thoughts I’ve had about certain subjects. My goal with this was to first see if I could accomplish my goal of becoming a published author, take in the feedback that I was given and change at least one persons out look on their life and decision to heal. The title itself came from a conversation I had with my daughters father where he told me that when I get upset I be come a ” Grim Reaper.” That’s when i had to take a step back and realize I did turn into a person who was very “soul snatching” when I was angry. But my heart was soft as a Rose Petals. It made me also realize that it is OK to be vulnerable, I don’t have to be tough all of the time and its easier to connect with others when you give your pure and defenseless self. Writing the things I have and now understanding how it has impacted others it made me realize that this is my passion and gift and that there will be NO STOPPING ME!