I never understood the unspoken rule of mothers. That we are to give our all to our children and nothing to ourselves. Its wrong if we want to take a minute to take care of ourselves, Read a book , or go back to school and follow our dreams. But I cant understand why? Why cant we do things that make us happy without looking like bad mothers or being criticized for taking the initiative to be ourselves and mothers at the same time. I never wanted to be the mother that lived only for the wants and needs of my children and wake up one day and have nothing to look back on. Nothing to say that i’m proud of myself for. Or worse not showing my kids what hard work and dedication to bettering yourself looks like. Its difficult for mothers to hear criticism regarding their choices in life and somehow it has become the norm. That the woman take the fault for doing what it is that makes them happy While the fathers get the leeway to do whatever they like and take the time they need in order to get their careers together for the family. I for one don’t agree with that and never will . I am a woman and mother who feels that I am ME first and then I am a mother, daughter, and friend. I feel that its okay for me to go after my dreams and take time for myself . Quite frankly , how can I be the best mother I can be if I can’t take the time to take care of myself ?
Most people will say ” you had kids you gave up having a life when you had your children.” WRONG! My life just began the moment we become mothers . We look at the world differently , we have an unconditional love , and someone looking to us like super hero’s ! Our jobs are to teach our children that self care is what should be promoted with being a mother . Showing our children that mommy is a business owner , a holder of multiple degrees or a Pillar of the community making a difference . Not just someone who wipes tears and packs lunches . This isn’t to say that stay at home mothers or mothers who dedicate their lives to taking care of their children shouldn’t be celebrated but there are so many things women are capable of . We are the epitome of strength and perseverance so why should we ONLY hold the title of ” Mother.”
I have had so many bad things said about me personally because I chose to go to school and pursue my education which took me away from dinners or sports games of my children. BUT my children understood yes I am making sacrifices for things and moments that are precious that I can’t get back but I’m making a way for bigger memories and moments to come . I think it’s healthy for children to understand the life of a mother , the things we go through and how much of the hard work we put into making ourselves better people. All for us to know they are proud of us ! Proud of us for doing what’s best for them , proud of us for paving a way for them to follow their dreams without conditions and proud of themselves for being understanding of all the things their mothers are capable of . I grew up in a single parent home, my mother worked many jobs to provide for us and we had any and everything we needed and wanted but she didn’t do much for herself. Watching her I was proud. I made it a point to make sure I did things that made me happy, I took time for myself to learn new things , go to school , I wrote a book and I can say I have started to define myself not only as a mother of five beautiful children I get to call my own but I get to be VONTRESS!
I get to show my daughters that the world has so many wonderful things to offer and they can have any and everything they put their minds and hard work into. I get to show my sons that women are more than someone who is going to cook the meals and wash their clothes. They can be anything they want to be and still hold the humble title and most fulfilling title of all ” MOM.”
” How can I be myself if everything I want I can’t be? To succeed, be a better me, or An amazing woman with accomplished goals. Or to be defined for who I AM and what I can do outside of being just a Mother, a Daughter or a Friend? Is it a bad thing that that I want to Be ME. A woman of great strength , intelligence and perseverance. and Then add the other amazing titles to my name? How can I be a better mother if I can’t show my children my ability to fly? How how can I be a friend if I cant offer my best self? and How can I be a daughter if I cant make my parents proud?” –Vontress R. Ortega