A few years ago I read a book called ” The 5 Love Languages ” by Gary Chapman. And at the time I was single and not really interested in anything that didn’t revolve around me and pleasing me . So I never took into consideration things that it was trying to teach me. Until recently I forced myself to read the book again so I could get a better understanding. I’ve come to realize that this book is much needed in any relationship. For those who are unfamiliar with the book; it’s a book that gives detailed information of the things that an individual needs to feel satisfied, loved and appreciated in a relationship. The list includes :
- Acts Of Service ( helping your partner with a task big or small)
- Words of Affirmation (hearing REASONS why you love your partner)
- Physical Touch( Not always Sexual- but hugs and hand holding)
- Quality Time( uninterrupted time alone)
- Receiving Gifts (Small or grand unexpected gestures)
Now some people will think “oh these are simple things.” The fact of the matter is you can be expressing your love in the way that YOU would like to receive it from your partner but not necessarily the way your partner would like to receive it from you . This is where the nagging comes in ( as men would like to call it ).
“you never take me out”
“why don’t you kiss me or hold my hand”
“can you take out the trash without me telling you 100 times”
“why don’t you tell me i’m beautiful”
After realizing what I read, and finally understanding what the book was trying to teach me ;that age old saying ” treat people how you want to be treated”, came into my head. This saying in my opinion is incorrect. I took a short 5 minutes of my time to take the Love Language quiz and realized that I prefer Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service over anything and number 3. for me was Physical touch. Which means someone can take the same test and have all different Love Languages than myself. Then you ask yourself , “so how does this work?” COMMUNICATION!!!! It means sitting with your partner and asking them specifically the the things that they NEED from you in order to feel loved and secure with you. As easy as this sounds it’s truly not. Based on the fact that someones love language may be uncomfortable for you to give. For example, Words of affirmation. I am HORRIBLE with verbally expressing myself and things often times come out wrong. Which may in turn cause a problem for a person who needs positive words or words of support from me because I don’t know exactly how to deliver them. Same goes for someone who needs Physical Touch to feel secure but their partner is someone who doesn’t need much affection. I think that truly understanding your partner and the things that they need in order to feel secure with you could save so many relationships and help couples to really communicate better. It’s all about wanting your man/woman to feel appreciated as well as adding to their happiness. I am no relationship expert but I truly feel that this book opened my eyes to things I was selfish about in the past and will definitely take the time to know and understand in my own relationships.
For those of you interested in the test that I took I have left the link below.