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The Sun Under a Night Sky

Yesterday was the release of my FIFTH book ! Words can’t explain the fear , excitement and accomplishment I feel. 2019 was a LONG year for me but I decided that I would put all of my words , feelings , tears and deepest thoughts into my book. I was blessed enough to find an amazing publisher who taught me so much that I took a chance and chose to learn to self publish ! Learn how to be more in control of my work and have full ownership of my hard work!

I took a leap of faith and I accomplished my goal ! It was not the easiest thing but I researched and took my time to perfect what I chose to put out into the world , but my biggest accomplishment was trusting myself. Trusting that I could accomplish my goal and set the tone of self sufficiency for myself .

For so long I struggled with trusting myself and this was one of the many times that I had to understand that my thoughts and my ideas were just as good as anyone else. It was up to me to take the chance and I am proud to say that I did.  

The title of my book came from the goal of true transformation. Learning who I am, accepting the best parts of me and appreciating that the flaws were also who made. It is the idea that even in the dark we can and will continue to shine and grow as long as we are willing. 

The Sun Under a Night Sky

 You are the sun and the center of your universe.

In this collection of untitled thoughts, poetry, and affirmations; Vontress plants her powerful feminine energy and wisdom like a seed. Showing growth through struggle, and sharing stories of blooming into a flower. She shines her light like the sun into the darkest parts of her soul.

 

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Hello Tranquility!

New year ! And Same me! But more knowledgeable for sure ! 2019 was such a headache for me; it almost broke me but here I stand ! I had my share of disappointments , separated myself from what I found to be toxic to my growth , made mistakes , learned lessons , and got my heart broken on a number of occasions, and I couldn’t understand WHYYYY!

How were these things happening to me when I was doing MY BEST to be open , honest , kinds , helpful and forgiving. How was I walking around with a smile but I was not feeling any peace within. How was I giving love I wasn’t receiving or allowing friends to unload their emotions on me but I couldn’t call them just to say “ hey” without being ignored. How was it I was busting my ass as a mother but I still felt like I was not good enough. IMG_0619

I broke down honestly , I had a moment I let every tear I had been holding within my spirit out, I screamed, and I kicked ! No literally I kicked my Christmas tree down ! I threw glass and I fell to my knees and prayed ! Oddly I asked God for the answers to my questions and the only response I got was “ it’s your time.” And me still feeling unsatisfied I decided that I had to ask myself why I was feeling so let down , so hurt , so unwanted , unloved , unseen and misused by those around me !

Then, Ah Ha I had an epiphany! It was no ones fault but mine why 2019 kicked my behind ! It was me I needed to blame for accepting less than, and selling myself short because I didn’t want to outshine those around. Only because they  couldn’t see what I saw in them. I was the reason I was hurting , giving things to people who wouldn’t do the same for me and I got up with a new outlook!

This year would be a fresh start ! I would use my voice and not just write how I felt on the pages of my books , I would be present in my passions and make the best of it. I would demand the things I give or I would show people the door if they only had intentions of capitalizing off what I could do for them. I would go for everything that I planned for myself even if I failed until I got it right ! I would improve the way that I talked to myself, I would write down my goals and become tunnel vision to any outside noise or negativity that would detour me from my mission.

When I accepted that I can’t save everyone before myself, that love is only what you make it , and I will only be as happy as I allow myself to be I found TRANQUILITY! 

I found peace in knowing that I had more control over how I felt than I gave myself credit for. I was in control of who stayed and went, I had the ability to demand a GOOD love from someone because I DESERVED it, and I didn’t have to maintain friendships based on the history that they held. Most of all I realized that I have been afraid to face who I have always been. The fear that had been holding me back for so long became the very thing that I needed to embrace in order to flourish in the New Year to come. 

I never make new years resolutions but this year I decided to learn more about me, and embrace the flaws I tend to hide and all while reminding myself that everything will be OK as long as i’m putting my best foot forward. So my hope for you , my readers, supporters, family and friends is that you learn to love your broken pieces, and love one another ! 

 

Happy New Year ! – V

What the F*** Now!

Hey Guys ,it been almost 2 months since I had a Blog. SOOORRRRY ! BUT not sorry. I have been trying to catch up with what now is my reality and truly how to handle it all as it comes. I have been trying to learn ways to keep myself organized as an Author, continuing to learn how to run a successful business and find the time to complete my novel.

All of these things literally thrown at me in the span of a years time.  Four books and keeping myself innovative in an ever so changing business and finally accomplishing my first step in making a name for myself . I had to stop and ask ” What the F*** now?”

What do I do with myself, and how do I continue to accomplish the goals that I set for myself when all I want to do is drink a glass of wine and take a nap. And sadly experiencing my first experience with a ” hater” in the business has all be such an overwhelming experience. I never knew how much would come my way with just following my passion. As exciting as its been I have become discouraged in many aspects. Writing a novel or telling ” my story” in other words has become challenging and I am not sure If I can do it. Experiencing business sabotage from my peers. It has left me wanting to stop everything that I have worked so hard for. I did not sign up to have bullshit coming my way from doing the thing that I love the most, and I for sure don’t want to put out work that isn’t good enough for at least one reader. I have even debated so heavily leaving my job before I return from my maternity leave.

But then I asked myself the question again. WHAT THE FUCK NOW!e001a9a1-e272-47a5-a01a-b2cd40ceefdd Then I had to give myself a pep talk ! Remind myself that I am a mother of six, an Author of FOUR books that took my blood, sweat, and tears to accomplish. Let myself know that it took me 31 years of bullshit jobs, bad relationships, bad decisions, and countless career changes in order for me to find my true calling. So whats next is I pick my head up, I continue to speak my truth, spread my imaginative thoughts to others and I write my ass off until I have  become a best selling Author. And only THEN will I be able to have that glass of wine ( or a few) and my much needed nap.

 

Black Sheep Written by: Pharaoh Da Poet and Vontress Renae’

 

 

Black sheep,

Scum of the world, yet blessed to be cursed. 

Wondering why i’m lost

I’ve lost myself to wake my brothers up, as the police are shooting us down

Our people , so distracted by the media.

And America robbing us blind.

Poisoning everything , and still no one notices.

Were oppressed waiting on time to tell us where we’re headed 

Marshall Law is coming they say

And all were looking for is the money we were never guaranteed

The sheep follows the shepherd

Or is it the sour feeling in its stomach allowing America to lead us to slaughter

Like strange fruits 

I’ve smelled death, as sweet as sugar cane

But as still as palm wine

It bleeds red, and drips to the roots when the sun shines.

It grows as big as brown mangos , as the smell of gun shots hit the air 

Carrying the eerie smell of death , in a disguise of red roses

Roses that grow from the concrete from the blood that drips down Americas tree

A tree with no justice on its leaves 

No justice in its roots 

Still misunderstanding why black bodies lay dead in the summer 

Oppressed or conditioned

Taught that loving ourselves in a palm wine America

Harvested turmoil , and slavery 

To whom are we captives?

The Americas our ourselves

Teaching ourselves that money and fame 

Are more important than our women, children

And we pay for it with the souls of our men.

We are distracted by choice

Leaving no room for hurt in our psyche

We don’t want to be apart of our problem

The ruin that give ammunition to the laws

The laws that we are not educated on 

The laws that use OUR ammunition 

To shoot us down in the street like sheep 

Following the shepherd 

Or walking away from ourselves

Passing trees of injustice that we allow

Killing one another, 

Pulling one another down from flourishing

Into pure white roses

Our petals are covered in blood tinted red

Red from the lives we lost in struggles

That we could avoid

Becoming one community

One aligned voice

And one love

Tainted Soil

I’m pleased to announce that my Fourth Poetry book ” Tainted Soil” is officially here!!!

giphy (2)

It took me sometime to find the right words to say, the feelings to feel or even the words to put down on my paper. Trying to find myself again after the birth of my son and working through Symptoms of Postpartum Depression; I decided that I wouldn’t allow the aftershock of my son or my insecurities take control of me or my purpose. I had to coach myself through my feelings and my words to figure out how to express my thoughts. I sat with myself for weeks and focused on the things that I was feeling and needed someone to understand. And then I birthed my fourth baby.

I am so thankful for all of the love and continued support that I have been receiving . From events, to my Blogs, poetry and books. It means the world to me. I still feel like a small time gal trying to make big dreams come true and I just hope that you all continue to follow me on this journey to BEST SELLING AUTHOR !

I’m Manifesting that shit HAHA

I have left the link below for purchase. And for those of you who do PLEASE PLEASE leave your reviews. 50+ reviews puts me on Amazon’s ” Suggested read list and allows me to reach a wider audience. Thanks in advance  -V

 

Tainted Soil !!

7 ways to Unwind on Sunday

Sundays has historically been a day for Church and relaxation! These days it has become an extension for partying ! “Sunday Fun-Days” have become the new thing !

Everyone enjoys Bottomless mimosas and Brunch! But I prefer to RELAX! I utilize my Sundays if time allows for unwinding! To mentally prepare for the week ahead . To allow myself the time to let go of the previous week and to make light of everything weighing on my shoulders ! This is something new I have been forcing myself to try and so far so good. It’s been helping me to feel refreshed and not so overwhelmed. I decided to share the 7 ways I choose to unwind.

1. limiting my social media use !

By Limiting myself to maybe an hour or sometimes completely cutting social media out of my day helps me to focus more on the things around me ! Social media has so many things going on and believe it or not transfers heavy energies to you while scrolling.

2. Staying in!

Keeping myself in doors and preserving my energy allows me the time to enjoy ME instead of sharing what may be the last bit of my energy with the world

3. Catch up on sleep !

We all know with work and other activities we all wish we had a napping hour sometimes ! This is the time to sleep or just rest our bodies.

4. Meditate

This is usually the first thing I do . I wake up while the sun is still rising and do morning stretches and meditate! It allows me to free my mind and spirit of anything negative and take in what’s needed for me to be at peace

5. Write out a plan

A lot of us run around and forget things during the work week. But if we take the time to write out the plan for the week and stick to it as closely as possible it leaves little room to become overwhelmed by curve-balls

6. Spend Time with Family

Having a moment to catch up with family, or have game day is most fun. Catching up on the moments you missed during the busy week can be fulfilling and help you to let loose.

7. Take a Bubble Bath

Enjoying a warm bath, your favorite glass of wine, and bath bomb is always amazing. Spending time relaxing in the water helps for restoration and allows for a good nights sleep.

Of course these tips don’t always have to happen on a Sunday they can happen any time you are just needing a small moment to relax and rebuild your strength. These tips are meant solely to give direction to accomplishing mental peace and spiritual calmness.

Please comment and share your tips to relaxation

Who Heals the Healers?

Often the strong friend or family member has no one to look to in their time of need ! They give in all ways and always to help others find balance and healing within themselves and their lives ! But strong people need healing as well . They need to know they can show their vulnerability and be strong in sharing their emotions. The healer often suffers in silence because they feel as if showing emotion is a sign of weakness to those who look to them for strength. Be mindful of your strong friend/family .

Understand that the strongest people around you carry the most weight and always feel obligated to be a shoulder, an ear , a ride , and an ATM! They feel like if they aren’t there then who else will ! But just like you they need someone to be there.

I know because I have always been the “go to ” and it can be exhausting . Giving and giving and leaving myself the leftovers. And often times I didn’t have anything left to give…ME!c7a4fd4542b18e0448ccfa6aa0df6c39.png

I had to talk to myself and remind myself it’s OK to say no ! It’s OK to not answer my phone and not always be at the beck and call of someone’s else’s problems. Sometimes they needed to learn to solve on their own . The problems were placed in their lives because the universe was teaching them something, and how could they learn if there was always someone like me there to fix the problem for them.

We must look outside ourselves and the selfishness of having someone we can count on and worry about who we can help as well. We all need help from time to time but make sure to check on your strong friends and family

They may need YOU today!

 

 

To Heal

…you must speak.

You must walk in a darkness and hope the prayers you speak only in your darkest moments shed light from your heart.

Tell yourself the only thing in the way of my healing is forgiveness.

Cry tears, kick, scream, and smile at your ability to embrace your hurt,

Be strong enough to mend your soul,

Accept the things that have broken you. Stand tall on the broken pieces and say, “I made it!”

Heal because to be whole is to live abundantly.

 

Poem from “Rose Petals Under a Reaper’s Robe”