Viva La Honey V.

Whew it was a weekend. I spent my 32nd birthday in Las Vegas. For something this isn’t anything major and to be honest I could not see what all the hype was about but I enjoyed myself. I seen new things and new people but overall I got a new perspective on the things that I need to work on changing in the upcoming year.

 

I need to learn to let loose more. I am always such a planner and I have to have everything planned and organized and it truly takes the fun out of just simply living. I am always caught up in the next thing that I cant see right in front of me and the things that I should be cherishing. The fact that I wake up in the morning and have one more day to make something of myself, the fact that my children are growing into such amazing little human beings, I have a home, a job, a car and I have accomplished so many things in such a short time that I should be so much more grateful that I am.

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I know that deep down we all try to remain humble because we know at anytime things could change and that feeling consumes me on a day to day basis. Five years ago I was in the worse place of my life, no car, homeless , and hungry and to build my self back up to the place that I am today. I am so determined to never go back to that, I constantly worry about everything and I have become such an uptight person to others when that is not who I truly am.

This trip ( even though it was only 4 days long ) taught me that it is OK to live a little. I can have some fun, stick my feet in the sand and have a drink or two! There is nothing wrong with enjoying the things that I worked hard for. Its OK for Stella to get her groove back once in a while, to have time away from responsibilities and to just overall recharge.

IN OTHER NEWS !!! 

January 5th I released my FIFTH book “The Sun Under a Night Sky” and had the Bookiversary to my Second book ” Rose Petals Under a Reaper’s Robe : Unveiled” on my birthday. It is such an overwhelming feeling and I feel like I am content in my purpose. I have found something that I love, and that I am naturally good at. I can’t wait to share with you the rest of the things that I have in store for myself for the rest of the year.

 

 

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Hello Tranquility!

New year ! And Same me! But more knowledgeable for sure ! 2019 was such a headache for me; it almost broke me but here I stand ! I had my share of disappointments , separated myself from what I found to be toxic to my growth , made mistakes , learned lessons , and got my heart broken on a number of occasions, and I couldn’t understand WHYYYY!

How were these things happening to me when I was doing MY BEST to be open , honest , kinds , helpful and forgiving. How was I walking around with a smile but I was not feeling any peace within. How was I giving love I wasn’t receiving or allowing friends to unload their emotions on me but I couldn’t call them just to say “ hey” without being ignored. How was it I was busting my ass as a mother but I still felt like I was not good enough. IMG_0619

I broke down honestly , I had a moment I let every tear I had been holding within my spirit out, I screamed, and I kicked ! No literally I kicked my Christmas tree down ! I threw glass and I fell to my knees and prayed ! Oddly I asked God for the answers to my questions and the only response I got was “ it’s your time.” And me still feeling unsatisfied I decided that I had to ask myself why I was feeling so let down , so hurt , so unwanted , unloved , unseen and misused by those around me !

Then, Ah Ha I had an epiphany! It was no ones fault but mine why 2019 kicked my behind ! It was me I needed to blame for accepting less than, and selling myself short because I didn’t want to outshine those around. Only because they  couldn’t see what I saw in them. I was the reason I was hurting , giving things to people who wouldn’t do the same for me and I got up with a new outlook!

This year would be a fresh start ! I would use my voice and not just write how I felt on the pages of my books , I would be present in my passions and make the best of it. I would demand the things I give or I would show people the door if they only had intentions of capitalizing off what I could do for them. I would go for everything that I planned for myself even if I failed until I got it right ! I would improve the way that I talked to myself, I would write down my goals and become tunnel vision to any outside noise or negativity that would detour me from my mission.

When I accepted that I can’t save everyone before myself, that love is only what you make it , and I will only be as happy as I allow myself to be I found TRANQUILITY! 

I found peace in knowing that I had more control over how I felt than I gave myself credit for. I was in control of who stayed and went, I had the ability to demand a GOOD love from someone because I DESERVED it, and I didn’t have to maintain friendships based on the history that they held. Most of all I realized that I have been afraid to face who I have always been. The fear that had been holding me back for so long became the very thing that I needed to embrace in order to flourish in the New Year to come. 

I never make new years resolutions but this year I decided to learn more about me, and embrace the flaws I tend to hide and all while reminding myself that everything will be OK as long as i’m putting my best foot forward. So my hope for you , my readers, supporters, family and friends is that you learn to love your broken pieces, and love one another ! 

 

Happy New Year ! – V

7 ways to Unwind on Sunday

Sundays has historically been a day for Church and relaxation! These days it has become an extension for partying ! “Sunday Fun-Days” have become the new thing !

Everyone enjoys Bottomless mimosas and Brunch! But I prefer to RELAX! I utilize my Sundays if time allows for unwinding! To mentally prepare for the week ahead . To allow myself the time to let go of the previous week and to make light of everything weighing on my shoulders ! This is something new I have been forcing myself to try and so far so good. It’s been helping me to feel refreshed and not so overwhelmed. I decided to share the 7 ways I choose to unwind.

1. limiting my social media use !

By Limiting myself to maybe an hour or sometimes completely cutting social media out of my day helps me to focus more on the things around me ! Social media has so many things going on and believe it or not transfers heavy energies to you while scrolling.

2. Staying in!

Keeping myself in doors and preserving my energy allows me the time to enjoy ME instead of sharing what may be the last bit of my energy with the world

3. Catch up on sleep !

We all know with work and other activities we all wish we had a napping hour sometimes ! This is the time to sleep or just rest our bodies.

4. Meditate

This is usually the first thing I do . I wake up while the sun is still rising and do morning stretches and meditate! It allows me to free my mind and spirit of anything negative and take in what’s needed for me to be at peace

5. Write out a plan

A lot of us run around and forget things during the work week. But if we take the time to write out the plan for the week and stick to it as closely as possible it leaves little room to become overwhelmed by curve-balls

6. Spend Time with Family

Having a moment to catch up with family, or have game day is most fun. Catching up on the moments you missed during the busy week can be fulfilling and help you to let loose.

7. Take a Bubble Bath

Enjoying a warm bath, your favorite glass of wine, and bath bomb is always amazing. Spending time relaxing in the water helps for restoration and allows for a good nights sleep.

Of course these tips don’t always have to happen on a Sunday they can happen any time you are just needing a small moment to relax and rebuild your strength. These tips are meant solely to give direction to accomplishing mental peace and spiritual calmness.

Please comment and share your tips to relaxation

Who Heals the Healers?

Often the strong friend or family member has no one to look to in their time of need ! They give in all ways and always to help others find balance and healing within themselves and their lives ! But strong people need healing as well . They need to know they can show their vulnerability and be strong in sharing their emotions. The healer often suffers in silence because they feel as if showing emotion is a sign of weakness to those who look to them for strength. Be mindful of your strong friend/family .

Understand that the strongest people around you carry the most weight and always feel obligated to be a shoulder, an ear , a ride , and an ATM! They feel like if they aren’t there then who else will ! But just like you they need someone to be there.

I know because I have always been the “go to ” and it can be exhausting . Giving and giving and leaving myself the leftovers. And often times I didn’t have anything left to give…ME!c7a4fd4542b18e0448ccfa6aa0df6c39.png

I had to talk to myself and remind myself it’s OK to say no ! It’s OK to not answer my phone and not always be at the beck and call of someone’s else’s problems. Sometimes they needed to learn to solve on their own . The problems were placed in their lives because the universe was teaching them something, and how could they learn if there was always someone like me there to fix the problem for them.

We must look outside ourselves and the selfishness of having someone we can count on and worry about who we can help as well. We all need help from time to time but make sure to check on your strong friends and family

They may need YOU today!

 

 

To Heal

…you must speak.

You must walk in a darkness and hope the prayers you speak only in your darkest moments shed light from your heart.

Tell yourself the only thing in the way of my healing is forgiveness.

Cry tears, kick, scream, and smile at your ability to embrace your hurt,

Be strong enough to mend your soul,

Accept the things that have broken you. Stand tall on the broken pieces and say, “I made it!”

Heal because to be whole is to live abundantly.

 

Poem from “Rose Petals Under a Reaper’s Robe”

 

Black Men: Who do you vent to?

Recently I asked a random question on Facebook just to see the answer. The question was; ” Black men ,who do you vent to ?”

The answers I got were almost all the same.  Many of them did not vent because they don’t trust anyone, felt the women in their lives would throw their feelings in their faces or simply coped by drinking and/or smoking marijuana. I asked this questions unsure of the feedback I would get but the answers made me sad.

How or why is it that Black Men don’t have ANYONE. OR feel they don’t have anyone I should say. I asked the reasoning behind some of these feelings and a lot of the men said they have been taught that it is weak to show emotion or told that no one cares how they feel.  They stated they were  programmed to suck it up and go on about their lives while burying their problems. It made me wonder  what makes men think that their feelings don’t matter or that they are weak for having emotions. Its what makes us human and I started to ask myself where it begins. Naturally understanding home is our first teacher. bmtweet2

I have four sons and I sometimes used to find myself telling them to ” stop crying like a little girl” and then I changed my ways. Not only little girls cry, HUMANS cry! We cry because were happy, sad, and angry. And it is OK ! Showing emotion doesn’t make a man weak, or vulnerable it makes a man strong and confident enough in himself to show that he cares. Not only cares about what is going on with him or the things around him but shows the courage to want to talk about his inner pains or concerns in order to get help and work on his issues.

I think naturally parents sometimes say certain things or make statements and don’t allow themselves to explain to the child what it means. When I talk to my sons I allowed myself to be open and honest. I told  them that as men they are the protectors so they are seen as strength but they also have emotions and they have a right to be heard. I tell them they have to learn not everyone will be receptive to their abilities to talk about their feelings BUT as longs as they get it out in a healthy manner then that’ s what counts the most.

The black community has to do a better job of working together in allowing black boys and men to be  vulnerable. WE have to try and change our own thoughts about what it means to be weak. We have to stop allowing ourselves to believe that crying is for girls only or talking to a therapist is somehow a bad things We need outlets!! Allowing black men to bottle up their emotions and pretend they don’t have them only hurts them in the long run. It affects their communication , their ability to trust and connect with others and in their romantic relationships. Bottled up anger leads to disastrous things. Lets protect Black Men and their mental health.

Postpartum Depression is a REAL thing !!

img_2351As most of you know I gave birth to my youngest son a little over three months ago. And as joyous as this experience has been for others it has been a bit of a struggle for me ! I couldn’t really put my finger on what was going on with me emotionally. Of course moms always think that we will bounce back and go right back to our bodies before baby, that we will still feel sexy and that because we are already moms that we have got it all under control.

That is what I thought and I was 100% WRONG ! This pregnancy with my son was very difficult. I was in some of the worst pain in my life, and also my son was diagnosed with having only one kidney. So this along with all of the hormonal stuff , I started to noticed that I wasn’t as engaged as a new mother should be. Of course I did the feeding and diaper changes but my urge to not want to be around my baby or any of my babies for that matter became stronger. I started losing my interest in wanting to be affectionate with them . It just became this overwhelming feeling of ” LEAVE ME ALONE .”

I didn’t want to come out of my room , make dinner , or help them with anything . I honestly just wanted to hide from them. Of course me being the woman that I am as much as I had these feelings I was also feeling terrible about this. Like what sort of mother wouldn’t want to be around their children or hold their new baby. But it was just my reality. So I told my partner that I was not feeling like myself and of course I think he was just assuming I meant because I was being a mom to older children and staying up all hours of the night breastfeeding a new born.

But the feeling was deeper and naturally trying to convince myself nothing was wrong I kept bottling the feeling up and I started to become more irritable and snapping at everyone. On top of the fact that I was crying for EVERY little thing. I forgot my phone upstairs I’d start balling, or my baby would cry, and I was for sure crying louder and harder then he was.

All of this lead me to see my therapist and that’s when I realized what I have been feeling is Postpartum Depression . It was a very REAL thing. The saddest part was I sat and told myself ” this is not a BLACK woman thing” But in reality mental health issues don’t skip you because of your race. The fact of the matter is so many more women of color suffer from this and don’t get the right help or treatments. They live and suffer with this DAILY and yet they have no one. They don’t  have the home support or family support. They cant afford the medications , or  therapy sessions but most of the time they don’t want to have the shame behind saying that something is wrong with them and they need help.

Truth is we all need help and its OK to ask . I am not big on asking others for help and day to day is a struggle with trying to understand what is currently going on with me . I struggle to voice how I feel and allowing myself to be vulnerable in situations that I otherwise wouldn’t be. I had to accept the fact that If I didn’t take the steps forward to handle this situation that I wouldn’t be OK , my babies would suffer and ultimately this ” THING” would consume me.

My son is only three months old and i’m not sure how long this will take to get better. I am unsure how it started but I do know that I am willing to work through this and also let others know that getting help is important. To understand the symptoms.

  1. Sadness
  2. Mood-swings
  3. Feeling overwhelmed
  4. Crying spells
  5. Problems with memory and concentration
  6. Changes in sleep Pattern
  7. Altered eating patterns
  8. Exhaustion
  9. Socially withdrawn
  10. Loss of Libido

If you are feeling any of these things or just feeling Depressed in any way. PLEASE talk to someone and get the help that you need. We all go through things and it is OK for us to seek help and do whats best for ourselves even when we feel afraid to do so. Take the necessary steps for your mental health. You cant take care of anyone else unless you take care of YOU FIRST !

STOP calling people CRAZY!!

Its been an on going pet peeve of mine when someone voices their deepest feelings or their truth to someone and the only response they get is disregard and called crazy! I think its the most disrespectful thing next to being called a bitch ! I’m not saying that it can’t be said in good fun. I know we all have that crazy friend who says the most hilarious things in the worst situations. This is a little bit different than that.

These are the  moments when you go to your spouse and tell him/her that you may be having some sort of feelings or just need a bit of reassurance because we all do sometimes. Then the only response they have for you is , ” your tripping or your crazy.” Even family members that feel you have been such a nice person for so long that they can pick and poke with you until you finally snap on them. And what do you know, you’ve become the ” crazy or bipolar” person in the family. 62143616_1199116486936546_522513055372804096_n

Then trying to sit and explain that maybe they should use better choice words when speaking to you becomes a joke. As if you aren’t entitled to set boundaries on the things that your being called or how you chose to be spoken to. I feel that it’s so saddening that you may not know what people are going through deep down. Maybe  being called crazy is hurtful because someone feels that they are never heard or taken seriously when it comes to their feelings. Maybe they have gone through something traumatic and their perception of things and people are tainted and being called crazy triggers unresolved feelings.

We live in a generation that claims to be about self care and filled with those who want to take strides on mental health. The first step is understanding peoples thoughts and feelings even if they aren’t  your same feelings or you don’t agree with them. It’s all about being mindful and respectful to someones feelings. Listen when someone speaks, try to understand and if you can’t handle the responsibility of being understanding don’t fix your mouth to call ANYONE crazy!