Oh! Those Preggo Emotions !

As 2019 is coming to an end there are so many things I am grateful for. My challenges, my triumphs and closing the year off with my new little muffin in the oven. My newest addition will be Arriving March 2019!!! And I am over the moon excited to see this little guys face.

BUUUUUT being pregnant and at almost 31, I have noticed that my ” sexy” isn’t the same . I don’t feel as beautiful as I should. Of course carrying a little human isn’t as cracked up as it seems to be. Everyone’s pregnancy photos look so beautiful but I don’t think many people realize the struggles that expecting mothers struggle with on a day-to-day.  The constant body changes; from the weight gain, the skin changes , bigger clothes and the emotional roller coaster. ! So many thoughts running through your mind and feeling like you have so much to do with ZERO time to do it in,. Who has the time to think about being sexy!

I sure don’t ! As sad as it sounds I have not had much energy to even to my hair nicely or put on any make up. I don’t want to go outside or put on clothes because I just don’t feel like I look nice. Its bringing out all of the insecurities. Talking to other mothers I have realized I am not alone. Most of the time we are looking to feel and have the same energy as we did prior to pregnancy and the fact  is that’s just not how it works. Being that we are going through so many changes we are often putting Soooo much pressure on our partners for validation. And lets face it not all men understand the personal battles we go through. Then we lash out and they have no idea why.

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In situations where you aren’t feeling like yourself its OK to be vulnerable ( I’ve learned) and letting your partner know. Hey I need a night out where we get dressed up so I can show off my new belly and feel good about it. Or even a night in with some sexy lingerie ( and YES ladies they do have maternity lingerie I have invested in some myself ). It’s all about understanding what your feeling and how to process it in a positive manner.

Taking a moment to look at yourself in the mirror and realize that its possible that your body may not go back to its original state but to love yourself for all your new curves and “stretchies” ( as I like to call them ) And understanding that your baby is going to love you regardless of any of the hard feelings you endure. At the end of the day that is all that matters.

I have 15 more weeks left in my journey with this little guy and my only hope is for a healthy little boy ! To all of you mommies out there worried about your sexy just know being beautiful and SEXY is what got you that bun in oven in the first place 🙂 EMBRACE IT!

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More than a Mother!

I never understood the unspoken rule of mothers. That we are to give our all to our children and nothing to ourselves. Its wrong if we want to take a minute to take care of ourselves, Read a book , or go back to school and follow our dreams. But I cant understand why? Why cant we do things that make us happy without looking like bad mothers or being criticized for taking the initiative to be ourselves and mothers at the same time. il_fullxfull.1220692580_5n69I never wanted to be the mother that lived only for the wants and needs of my children and wake up one day and have nothing to look back on. Nothing to say that i’m proud of myself for. Or worse not showing my kids what hard work and dedication to bettering yourself looks like. Its difficult for mothers to hear criticism regarding their choices in life and somehow it has become the norm. That the woman take the fault for doing what it is that makes them happy While the fathers get the leeway to do whatever they like and take the time they need in order to get their careers together for the family. I for one don’t agree with that and never will . I am a woman and mother who feels that I am ME first and then I am a mother, daughter, and friend. I feel that its okay for me to go after my dreams and take time for myself . Quite frankly , how can I be the best mother I can be if I can’t take the time to take care of myself ?

Most people will say ” you had kids you gave up having a life when you had your children.” WRONG! My life just began the moment we become mothers . We look at the world differently , we have an unconditional love , and someone looking to us like super hero’s ! Our jobs are to teach our children that self care is what should be promoted with being a mother . Showing our children that mommy is a business owner , a holder of multiple degrees or a Pillar of the community making a difference . Not just someone who wipes tears and packs lunches . This isn’t to say that stay at home mothers or mothers who dedicate their lives to taking care of their children shouldn’t be celebrated but there aredownload so many things women are capable of . We are the epitome of strength and perseverance so why should we ONLY hold the title of ” Mother.”

I have had so many bad things said about me personally because I chose to go to school and pursue my education which took me away from dinners or sports games of my children. BUT my children understood yes I am making sacrifices for things and moments that are precious that I can’t get back but I’m making a way for bigger memories and moments to come . I think it’s healthy for children to understand the life of a mother , the things we go through and how much of the hard work we put into making ourselves better people. All for us to know they are proud of us ! Proud of us for doing what’s best for them , proud of us for paving a way for them to follow their dreams without conditions and proud of themselves for being understanding of all the things their mothers are capable of . I grew up in a single parent home, my mother worked many jobs to provide for us and we had any and everything we needed and wanted but she didn’t do much for herself. Watching her I was proud. IMG_5436I made it a point to make sure I did things that made me happy, I took time for myself to learn new things , go to school , I wrote a book and I can say I have started to define myself not only as a mother of five beautiful children I get to call my own but I get to be VONTRESS!

I get to show my daughters that the world has so many wonderful things to offer and they can have any and everything they put their minds and hard work into. I get to show my sons that women are more than someone who is going to cook the meals and wash their clothes. They can be anything they want to be and still hold the humble title and most fulfilling title of all ” MOM.”

 

 

 

” How can I be myself if everything I want I can’t be? To succeed, be a better me, or An amazing woman with accomplished goals. Or to be defined for who I AM and what I can do outside of being just a Mother, a Daughter or a Friend? Is it a bad thing that that I want to Be ME. A woman of great strength , intelligence and perseverance. and Then add the other amazing titles to my name? How can I be a better mother if I can’t show my children my ability to fly? How how can I be a friend if I cant offer my best self? and How can I be a daughter if I cant make my parents proud?” –Vontress R. Ortega

TOXIC FRIENDSHIPS

I struggled with this topic and questioned writing it just based on the fact I did not want friends that I currently have feeling a type of way. BUT I had to shoulder shrug it off and say what was needed based on two things 1.) if your MY friend then you know im not sugar-coating the world for you that s your mothers job and  2.) if you’re doing your job as MY friend then nothing I say moving forward should offend you ! Over the past few years accepting the fact that I was getting older and coming to terms with the statement “everyone is NOT your friend” has shed its light on me something so DEEP! I used to feel as though I owed my loyalty to “friends ” that I had encountered over the years for a few reasons. iStock-487114588WEB-1024x512

  • I had maintained these friendships for over 15+ years
  • They knew ALL my dirty secrets (and vice versa)
  • How could you turn your back on someone you have known so long
  • And they were there in my hardest times !!

Then I had to ask myself ” are these really valid reasons to keep friendships im putting most of the effort into”? and the answer was absolutely NOT !! I had kept friendships going that had expired soooo many years ago. People who were there for my struggles and watched as my heart broke over past loves and then turned around as if they were my worst enemies and talk about me like dogs in the street ! All while i kept their secrets and never let a soul speak ill of them in my presence ! Then i looked at what were these friends really bringing to the table besides transferring the negative energy from their lives into mine and it turn it made me toxic as well. We sat around and talked about women who probably were the sweetest women and we had no idea because we were so busy tearing them down. These friends maintained terrible relationships with men who were id say NOT INTERESTED yet they stayed with them ! And i started to notice the men i encountered were no different ! I could literally feel their negativity putting a strain on me and how i felt emotionally and decided to make changes. i had to ask myself: Mean-Girls

  • what are they doing to help me be a better person, woman and friend
  • what is going on in their lives that they are willing to change in order to be the best they cane
  • and do they have the same amount of loyalty I have
  • what direction do I want my life to go in and do they fit into that
  • have I picked up the bad habits they have

When I finally realized these people were doing NOTHING for me on any level but giving me a bad reputation for things i had never in my life done; I had to separate myself. First I tried to change the subject when they began downgrading others, or continuously making excuses for the toxic relationships they chose to engage in. I tried not to engage in comments or postings that promoted negativity on either friends page and even went as far as un friending a few of them because anything they had to say was pure negativity.  Even stopping myself from having conversations or “venting” to friends that only had negative things to say about the choices or things going on in my life when I was looking toward them for support. Sometimes it takes someone else in your life to point out the fact that you are holding on to toxic friends and need to part ways.  I made my exist and realized that the people I called friends for so many years, shared laughs with, cried with , lost family and experienced divorces and loss of children with were all people who were there to watch my down fall.  We have to be mindful in who we choose to associate ourselves with and pay attention to warning signs of toxic friends. A few things I picked up on AFTER the fact but now take the time to is download

  1. Ensuring that my “friends” are not in a competition with me. More encouraging of my accomplishments and working together to help each other succeed.
  2. Giving unwarranted criticism toward things in your life that are important to you
  3. The effort yo put into visiting or phone conversations is imbalanced (not getting in return what you’re giving )  and the biggest one
  4. Your “friend” is always telling you things that you need to change about yourself but never recognizing her own habits of falling short at times.

When I start to feel these things from friends i address them and if there’s no change I reevaluate if they are someone who I need in my life. Then begin to move forward with what is best for ME ! In NO way am I making myself out to be the perfect friend but I see no point in meaningless attachments even if that means i’m the friend that someone else needs to cut off. I have seen so many people’s downfalls because of the company they keep! It’s time people start recognizing that , even those we love the most sometimes need to be loved from a distance.

 

SPEAK UP ! SPEAK OUT !HEAL <3

Recently I was asked a question regarding my ability to remain positive in the midst of ” the storm” , and how was I able to post and blog about things that are so helpful to others when I go through my own problems daily. My response was pretty easy ! I told the person I remained as positive as I could because it was the very thing that kept me going . I am able to speak to others from my own experience and on topics that I feel I needed to touch on. In order to recognize the things in my life that I struggle with, and needed to work on.  Then as the day went on I thought about it more and more and asked myself was this my way of covering up things I go through , or was in reality really helping me in my personal struggles !

In my mind speaking on what bothers me personally are things that make me feel better or getting feed back better helps me understand maybe I’m NOT ” crazy ” for feeling the way I feel or I’m NOT always ” wrong ” ! It’s okay for me to express myself through open outlets where I’m allowed to be open and free to receive healing . I know , I know ; it seems so easy to pick a topic and write about it but in all honesty it takes a lot to share personal stories and flaws with others because the fear of judgement. When writing my book I just wrote and wrote until I couldn’t anymore. Then I went back and read everything I had written and thought ” holy shit, is this too much  or too real for people”?

The truth is why not be real ? or why not say the things that most people get shunned for speaking about ! We are all conditioned in this generation that it’s better to hide how we feel and things that we go through because the fear of judgement !

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WHO GIVES A FUCK !!  My testimony isn’t a badge of weakness it’s the reason i’m here ! My bad days , my tears  and insecurities ! They are the reason I am able to speak to others and tell them so openly my life and admit that I am no where near perfect but working at a pace healthy for ME!! I see so many people on social media crying out for help or looking just for a listening ear and there’s always a naysayer ” why would they put their business out there like that or why would they put it on Facebook and blah blah ” BUT I’ve noticed that those same people eat up the blogs and tabloids when Jay-Z cheats on Beyonce or Fabulous beats up his girlfriend ! Its OK then for peoples business to be on front street . You cant put stipulations on the “gossip” or cries for help that your willing to hear. I know for damn sure that i’m tired of people not being able to get the words of encouragement they are needing or being looked down upon for the outlets that they choose to take in order to seek help ! We all fall short sometimes of helping others and we all have our bad days. I am one person who has chosen to use m platform and following in order to be someone positive to others because my goal in life has been to change someone else in the best way that I can.

 

Support !

Over the years I have not had much support in the things that meant the most to me. I’ve had many dreams and aspirations that I’ve given up on because I felt less then capable. The lack of support or negativity surrounding my goals and dreams often held me back from what was most important to me and the things that made me happy as a individual. I’ve always supported those around me and I never ask for much in return. Now at a time in my life I have finally found the courage to fulfill my purpose I don’t feel the support I should from the people I thought I could count on. I say that to say this; never let the lack of support or encouragement for your life’s aspirations hold you back from what makes you truly happy. When you look in the  mirror and your proud of yourself and content in your spirit that’s the only thing that matters. Make a plan for your goal and find a way to work toward it daily.