Mama’s Baby and Daddy’s Maybe

Lately I have been having such a struggle with the things that baby dads do. Now we all know that moms are the one everyone turns to but when are men really going to be FATHERS !! 

Mom cooks, she cleans, she does laundry, she is the doctor , the counselor and the damn priest if need be. We do any and everything in order for everyone to be ok and there is NEVER a moment that these baby dads say hey i’m going to sacrifice a few hours of my day in order to make sure that the mother of my children is alright. Now when I say that some of yall are going to think that means we are looking for money or our nails done. When in actuality we are looking for a nap, someone to do the damn dishes and take out the trash without being told and actually taking care of the kids. 

A few women around me GO HARD for their families. Working , STILL in this pandemic and coming home to men who can’t even make sure that the kids are ready for bed and some dinner is made. I mean even a damn sandwich will do. They get up and go where ever, whenever , with whomever and were always home with the kids. There is never any consideration of the plans we may have or even consideration for the fact that we may have business to handle and they may need to take care of the kids. And when they do by some miracle keep the kids, how DARE we be gone for more than 5 minutes before we are getting called and texted off the hook. We’re working our behinds off in order for them to live and be fathers ONLY when its convenient for them. I mean can some of these baby daddys even tell me your kids doctor’s name, or the last time they took a poop or maybe the name of their imaginary friends. ( Dont worry I’LL WAIT) 

And you know where the problem starts WITH US !! Yes, but sorry ladies it’s us! We are so used to being the man and the woman to ourselves that we do not even take the time to make sure these men are doing what they should be doing. I’m sorry but we need to set boundaries and make them do what’s necessary or cut them off at the knees. And that means limiting the access they have to the luxuries we provide. Like you want to leave the house take one of your kids, you can’t nap if I can’t and you want food MAKE IT YOURSELF.

“What  I need men to understand is they aren’t any less responsible for the basic caretaking of a child because they are the father.”

 

You should be present in all aspects of what your child has going on and making it a point to be capable to take care of your children efficiently should anything happen to the mothers of your children. 

Now this is not to negate the fathers who do just as much as the mothers or in some cases more. It is simply to shed light on the fact that at some point SOME OF YOU need to GROW UP. And I also need you to understand when a woman gets tired of doing all the work without support you will hear her mouth. Not only this, why wouldn’t any parent want to be 100% involved in thier childrens everyday routine. I truly cant understand but what I do know that it is becoming way too common for men to be physically present and not INVESTED in their children.

Well Until next time ! LIKE, COMMENT, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE !

The Black Man and Accountability!

 

I tried to be quiet but I can’t ! And whomever doesn’t like what I have to say ! God Bless you anyway ! As a black woman of FOUR black sons ; I know the struggles they will face , I know the injustices they will experience and I know how the world looks at them without them saying one word . I tell my sons all the time the value of life , honesty , RESPONSIBILITY for your actions ACCOUNTABILITY for the consequences that follow !

Now someone posted this meme and I’ll tell you it pissed me off to my core :

* DISCLAIMER* : This post is via Instagram.com. Apologies for the language and incorrect grammar!

Why is the world to blame for the inadequacies that certain individuals have? I will be the first to say that I love black men , always have and always will, when I see something going wrong I advocate for them and I speak my peace for those who do not always have a voice and the courage to use it . But what I do not appreciate is a victim. My favorite saying is,” you can not have peace where you create chaos. ” Now with that being said lets break this down. IF a man ( of any color ) is not doing what is necessary by the unwritten laws of adulthood why would he be anything other than less than his potential? Why is ” America” and their choices of how they view black men a reason to become those negative things. And if you are not qualified for a job why are you not taking another look at your resume, finding out how and where you can advocate for yourself if you feel you have been treated unfairly. 

My biggest problem is the war between the black woman and man. Black women have became the biggest reason to blame in the victimization role that Black Men have come to be comfortable in. Why is is that baby mothers are called bitter for telling you where you need to IMPROVE AS a MAN in order to be a GOOD FATHER for your children ? Why are Black Women the root of calling men ” AIN’T SHIT” And for the hell of it why is that other races of women are treated better than the black woman.  I watched an episode of an amazing web series called ” Black On Both Sides” written by Alonge Hawes. In Episode 6 there were two black individuals feuding over the dynamic between the black man and woman. Oddly both happened to have white spouses but one part struck a nerve. The wife of the black man was giving him a pep talk and in the talk she tells him in so many words that ” Black men don’t do feelings.” To me its simple , black men run from what is real that is why in my opinion there are so many men turning their backs on the reality of who they are and dating outside of their race. They are doing this instead of looking at themselves in the mirror and taking things for what they are and realizing no one is responsible for the things that they choose to put into the world but THEM ! Now don’t get me wrong, I could truly care less whom anyone dates or if they are green . blue . or purple. My problem comes in when Black Men feel that other races hold more relevancy than they one they came from and dating races they claim to be the blame for the poor treatment the receive throughout society. 

It is up to black men to stop and figure out how they can be better. What they can do to shut down stereotypes by ” America” , taking care of their children so they aren’t being called “deadbeats” and ensuring that they are living up to the best of their potential to be in the jobs and positions they deserve. Point the finger at yourself sometimes and make the necessary changes for a better outcome. 

Break the “Crabs in a Bucket” Cliche’

I have only been an Author and Business owner for a bit over two years now ! And the more and more I learn it’s like the saying goes ” More Money more problems! Although I’m still broke haha

I noticed how many people you know hate you the more blessings come your way. It’s people you wouldn’t expect. People you considered friends or even family who work HARD to bring you down . Criticizing your work or efforts or bad mouthing you in the business community in order to make you look bad so others won’t want to work with you . I personally have seen my logos ( which are trademarked by the way ) blatantly STOLEN! My slogans for my website even.

My boyfriend is the one person I always express my anger with and how hard I work for myself and the things that I do and he says ” it’s because you’re innovative ” of course he was trying to make me feel better and it did help for a bit.

But the more I see the more it makes me angry ! WHY are we bringing other people down that we could be helping? I know I don’t mind helping and I don’t need the credit because that’s just me . If I’m asked for help I give it because I want to see others succeed. But to take and take and then not reciprocate or to feel as though someone’s helping hand is no longer of value when the benefits are solely for the gain of the person you’re helping is just blatant fuckery!

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Brett Sayles Via Pexels.com

I’m sick of seeing people tear one another down in any type of business ! No support , trash talking or even taking ideas and not even being original about it . What happened to building one another up ? What happened to wanting to see people make it ? Especially those who come from some of the same communities or struggles ?

WHY is it that there is always bullshit when it comes to business ! Holding someone down doesn’t boost you up . You’re at a stepping stone where you will need the person ahead of you to pull you forward ! And so on and so forth! We ALL start from somewhere and we all have humbling experiences so there is never a need to look down on someone or purposely try and diminish their businesses or characters for gain !

My hope is that everyone learns we are in this together! Teaching each other and building one another up only makes us stronger. Not only as a community but as individuals! There is room for all of us to win ! But we can’t win trying to make someone else lose.

Expectations.

I see this meme on social media very often that says, ” Stop expecting you from other people.” When I first seen it I agreed with it totally, until I sat down and took a minute to really think about the meaning behind it. I came to the conclusion that agreeing with this meant that I would be selling myself short, I would be accepting any treatment, and telling others that this was OK.

 

Telling someone what you expect of them is setting clear boundaries on what you will or won’t tolerate. If I expect someone to speak to you in the way that you choose , and follow through with their word ; where is the problem in that? How is it ” wrong ” to expect proper treatment.

terrell-owens-quote-if-you-align-expectations-with-reality

 

It all boils down to the self respect a person has for themselves and how valuable they believe that they are. If I allow someone to be in my space, they need a clear understanding of what is expected. I know the saying :

If you don’t expect anything then you can’t / won’t be disappointed!

And I think it is a bunch of bull ! The only way to be disappointed is allowing yourself to give people power of you, what you need, and setting a standard for them to live up to. I have come to the realization that personal value is a process that we are all at different levels of attaining, BUT that does not mean expecting certain things is wrong. It just means that if the people around us aren’t willing to hear what we need and be active in execution then we need to evaluate the positions they play in our lives !

What the F*** Now!

Hey Guys ,it been almost 2 months since I had a Blog. SOOORRRRY ! BUT not sorry. I have been trying to catch up with what now is my reality and truly how to handle it all as it comes. I have been trying to learn ways to keep myself organized as an Author, continuing to learn how to run a successful business and find the time to complete my novel.

All of these things literally thrown at me in the span of a years time.  Four books and keeping myself innovative in an ever so changing business and finally accomplishing my first step in making a name for myself . I had to stop and ask ” What the F*** now?”

What do I do with myself, and how do I continue to accomplish the goals that I set for myself when all I want to do is drink a glass of wine and take a nap. And sadly experiencing my first experience with a ” hater” in the business has all be such an overwhelming experience. I never knew how much would come my way with just following my passion. As exciting as its been I have become discouraged in many aspects. Writing a novel or telling ” my story” in other words has become challenging and I am not sure If I can do it. Experiencing business sabotage from my peers. It has left me wanting to stop everything that I have worked so hard for. I did not sign up to have bullshit coming my way from doing the thing that I love the most, and I for sure don’t want to put out work that isn’t good enough for at least one reader. I have even debated so heavily leaving my job before I return from my maternity leave.

But then I asked myself the question again. WHAT THE FUCK NOW!e001a9a1-e272-47a5-a01a-b2cd40ceefdd Then I had to give myself a pep talk ! Remind myself that I am a mother of six, an Author of FOUR books that took my blood, sweat, and tears to accomplish. Let myself know that it took me 31 years of bullshit jobs, bad relationships, bad decisions, and countless career changes in order for me to find my true calling. So whats next is I pick my head up, I continue to speak my truth, spread my imaginative thoughts to others and I write my ass off until I have  become a best selling Author. And only THEN will I be able to have that glass of wine ( or a few) and my much needed nap.