How Will I Tell MY Sons…

How do I explain to my sons ….

How do I explain to my sons that the beautiful black skin they are in won’t be loved by others?

How do I explain to my sons that their strong – chiseled physique will be intimidating to those who don’t poses the same features?

How do I explain they will be feared for merely educating themselves with knowledge of where they come from and who they are destined to be?

How do I explain to sons the difference between cooperation and complacency?

How will I explain to them they are at risk of losing their lives for reaching for their phones and wallets?

How will I explain to my daughters they are valuable in A world that sees them only as objects?

How will I explain to my daughters they will be pushed against one another because one will be more “ desirable “ due to her fake skin and the other ridiculed for being dark chocolate like her matriarch queen ?

How will someone explain to me my son being shot dead in the street , a knee on his neck while he screams he can breathe , being gunned down while buying skittles , executed while complying all because they are BLACK!

How will WE make this change?

Mama’s Baby and Daddy’s Maybe

Lately I have been having such a struggle with the things that baby dads do. Now we all know that moms are the one everyone turns to but when are men really going to be FATHERS !! 

Mom cooks, she cleans, she does laundry, she is the doctor , the counselor and the damn priest if need be. We do any and everything in order for everyone to be ok and there is NEVER a moment that these baby dads say hey i’m going to sacrifice a few hours of my day in order to make sure that the mother of my children is alright. Now when I say that some of yall are going to think that means we are looking for money or our nails done. When in actuality we are looking for a nap, someone to do the damn dishes and take out the trash without being told and actually taking care of the kids. 

A few women around me GO HARD for their families. Working , STILL in this pandemic and coming home to men who can’t even make sure that the kids are ready for bed and some dinner is made. I mean even a damn sandwich will do. They get up and go where ever, whenever , with whomever and were always home with the kids. There is never any consideration of the plans we may have or even consideration for the fact that we may have business to handle and they may need to take care of the kids. And when they do by some miracle keep the kids, how DARE we be gone for more than 5 minutes before we are getting called and texted off the hook. We’re working our behinds off in order for them to live and be fathers ONLY when its convenient for them. I mean can some of these baby daddys even tell me your kids doctor’s name, or the last time they took a poop or maybe the name of their imaginary friends. ( Dont worry I’LL WAIT) 

And you know where the problem starts WITH US !! Yes, but sorry ladies it’s us! We are so used to being the man and the woman to ourselves that we do not even take the time to make sure these men are doing what they should be doing. I’m sorry but we need to set boundaries and make them do what’s necessary or cut them off at the knees. And that means limiting the access they have to the luxuries we provide. Like you want to leave the house take one of your kids, you can’t nap if I can’t and you want food MAKE IT YOURSELF.

“What  I need men to understand is they aren’t any less responsible for the basic caretaking of a child because they are the father.”

 

You should be present in all aspects of what your child has going on and making it a point to be capable to take care of your children efficiently should anything happen to the mothers of your children. 

Now this is not to negate the fathers who do just as much as the mothers or in some cases more. It is simply to shed light on the fact that at some point SOME OF YOU need to GROW UP. And I also need you to understand when a woman gets tired of doing all the work without support you will hear her mouth. Not only this, why wouldn’t any parent want to be 100% involved in thier childrens everyday routine. I truly cant understand but what I do know that it is becoming way too common for men to be physically present and not INVESTED in their children.

Well Until next time ! LIKE, COMMENT, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE !

The Black Man and Accountability!

 

I tried to be quiet but I can’t ! And whomever doesn’t like what I have to say ! God Bless you anyway ! As a black woman of FOUR black sons ; I know the struggles they will face , I know the injustices they will experience and I know how the world looks at them without them saying one word . I tell my sons all the time the value of life , honesty , RESPONSIBILITY for your actions ACCOUNTABILITY for the consequences that follow !

Now someone posted this meme and I’ll tell you it pissed me off to my core :

* DISCLAIMER* : This post is via Instagram.com. Apologies for the language and incorrect grammar!

Why is the world to blame for the inadequacies that certain individuals have? I will be the first to say that I love black men , always have and always will, when I see something going wrong I advocate for them and I speak my peace for those who do not always have a voice and the courage to use it . But what I do not appreciate is a victim. My favorite saying is,” you can not have peace where you create chaos. ” Now with that being said lets break this down. IF a man ( of any color ) is not doing what is necessary by the unwritten laws of adulthood why would he be anything other than less than his potential? Why is ” America” and their choices of how they view black men a reason to become those negative things. And if you are not qualified for a job why are you not taking another look at your resume, finding out how and where you can advocate for yourself if you feel you have been treated unfairly. 

My biggest problem is the war between the black woman and man. Black women have became the biggest reason to blame in the victimization role that Black Men have come to be comfortable in. Why is is that baby mothers are called bitter for telling you where you need to IMPROVE AS a MAN in order to be a GOOD FATHER for your children ? Why are Black Women the root of calling men ” AIN’T SHIT” And for the hell of it why is that other races of women are treated better than the black woman.  I watched an episode of an amazing web series called ” Black On Both Sides” written by Alonge Hawes. In Episode 6 there were two black individuals feuding over the dynamic between the black man and woman. Oddly both happened to have white spouses but one part struck a nerve. The wife of the black man was giving him a pep talk and in the talk she tells him in so many words that ” Black men don’t do feelings.” To me its simple , black men run from what is real that is why in my opinion there are so many men turning their backs on the reality of who they are and dating outside of their race. They are doing this instead of looking at themselves in the mirror and taking things for what they are and realizing no one is responsible for the things that they choose to put into the world but THEM ! Now don’t get me wrong, I could truly care less whom anyone dates or if they are green . blue . or purple. My problem comes in when Black Men feel that other races hold more relevancy than they one they came from and dating races they claim to be the blame for the poor treatment the receive throughout society. 

It is up to black men to stop and figure out how they can be better. What they can do to shut down stereotypes by ” America” , taking care of their children so they aren’t being called “deadbeats” and ensuring that they are living up to the best of their potential to be in the jobs and positions they deserve. Point the finger at yourself sometimes and make the necessary changes for a better outcome. 

Black Sheep Written by: Pharaoh Da Poet and Vontress Renae’

 

 

Black sheep,

Scum of the world, yet blessed to be cursed. 

Wondering why i’m lost

I’ve lost myself to wake my brothers up, as the police are shooting us down

Our people , so distracted by the media.

And America robbing us blind.

Poisoning everything , and still no one notices.

Were oppressed waiting on time to tell us where we’re headed 

Marshall Law is coming they say

And all were looking for is the money we were never guaranteed

The sheep follows the shepherd

Or is it the sour feeling in its stomach allowing America to lead us to slaughter

Like strange fruits 

I’ve smelled death, as sweet as sugar cane

But as still as palm wine

It bleeds red, and drips to the roots when the sun shines.

It grows as big as brown mangos , as the smell of gun shots hit the air 

Carrying the eerie smell of death , in a disguise of red roses

Roses that grow from the concrete from the blood that drips down Americas tree

A tree with no justice on its leaves 

No justice in its roots 

Still misunderstanding why black bodies lay dead in the summer 

Oppressed or conditioned

Taught that loving ourselves in a palm wine America

Harvested turmoil , and slavery 

To whom are we captives?

The Americas our ourselves

Teaching ourselves that money and fame 

Are more important than our women, children

And we pay for it with the souls of our men.

We are distracted by choice

Leaving no room for hurt in our psyche

We don’t want to be apart of our problem

The ruin that give ammunition to the laws

The laws that we are not educated on 

The laws that use OUR ammunition 

To shoot us down in the street like sheep 

Following the shepherd 

Or walking away from ourselves

Passing trees of injustice that we allow

Killing one another, 

Pulling one another down from flourishing

Into pure white roses

Our petals are covered in blood tinted red

Red from the lives we lost in struggles

That we could avoid

Becoming one community

One aligned voice

And one love

Black Men: Who do you vent to?

Recently I asked a random question on Facebook just to see the answer. The question was; ” Black men ,who do you vent to ?”

The answers I got were almost all the same.  Many of them did not vent because they don’t trust anyone, felt the women in their lives would throw their feelings in their faces or simply coped by drinking and/or smoking marijuana. I asked this questions unsure of the feedback I would get but the answers made me sad.

How or why is it that Black Men don’t have ANYONE. OR feel they don’t have anyone I should say. I asked the reasoning behind some of these feelings and a lot of the men said they have been taught that it is weak to show emotion or told that no one cares how they feel.  They stated they were  programmed to suck it up and go on about their lives while burying their problems. It made me wonder  what makes men think that their feelings don’t matter or that they are weak for having emotions. Its what makes us human and I started to ask myself where it begins. Naturally understanding home is our first teacher. bmtweet2

I have four sons and I sometimes used to find myself telling them to ” stop crying like a little girl” and then I changed my ways. Not only little girls cry, HUMANS cry! We cry because were happy, sad, and angry. And it is OK ! Showing emotion doesn’t make a man weak, or vulnerable it makes a man strong and confident enough in himself to show that he cares. Not only cares about what is going on with him or the things around him but shows the courage to want to talk about his inner pains or concerns in order to get help and work on his issues.

I think naturally parents sometimes say certain things or make statements and don’t allow themselves to explain to the child what it means. When I talk to my sons I allowed myself to be open and honest. I told  them that as men they are the protectors so they are seen as strength but they also have emotions and they have a right to be heard. I tell them they have to learn not everyone will be receptive to their abilities to talk about their feelings BUT as longs as they get it out in a healthy manner then that’ s what counts the most.

The black community has to do a better job of working together in allowing black boys and men to be  vulnerable. WE have to try and change our own thoughts about what it means to be weak. We have to stop allowing ourselves to believe that crying is for girls only or talking to a therapist is somehow a bad things We need outlets!! Allowing black men to bottle up their emotions and pretend they don’t have them only hurts them in the long run. It affects their communication , their ability to trust and connect with others and in their romantic relationships. Bottled up anger leads to disastrous things. Lets protect Black Men and their mental health.