I see this meme on social media very often that says, ” Stop expecting you from other people.” When I first seen it I agreed with it totally, until I sat down and took a minute to really think about the meaning behind it. I came to the conclusion that agreeing with this meant that I would be selling myself short, I would be accepting any treatment, and telling others that this was OK.
Telling someone what you expect of them is setting clear boundaries on what you will or won’t tolerate. If I expect someone to speak to you in the way that you choose , and follow through with their word ; where is the problem in that? How is it ” wrong ” to expect proper treatment.
It all boils down to the self respect a person has for themselves and how valuable they believe that they are. If I allow someone to be in my space, they need a clear understanding of what is expected. I know the saying :
If you don’t expect anything then you can’t / won’t be disappointed!
And I think it is a bunch of bull ! The only way to be disappointed is allowing yourself to give people power of you, what you need, and setting a standard for them to live up to. I have come to the realization that personal value is a process that we are all at different levels of attaining, BUT that does not mean expecting certain things is wrong. It just means that if the people around us aren’t willing to hear what we need and be active in execution then we need to evaluate the positions they play in our lives !
Often the strong friend or family member has no one to look to in their time of need ! They give in all ways and always to help others find balance and healing within themselves and their lives ! But strong people need healing as well . They need to know they can show their vulnerability and be strong in sharing their emotions. The healer often suffers in silence because they feel as if showing emotion is a sign of weakness to those who look to them for strength. Be mindful of your strong friend/family .
Understand that the strongest people around you carry the most weight and always feel obligated to be a shoulder, an ear , a ride , and an ATM! They feel like if they aren’t there then who else will ! But just like you they need someone to be there.
I know because I have always been the “go to ” and it can be exhausting . Giving and giving and leaving myself the leftovers. And often times I didn’t have anything left to give…ME!
I had to talk to myself and remind myself it’s OK to say no ! It’s OK to not answer my phone and not always be at the beck and call of someone’s else’s problems. Sometimes they needed to learn to solve on their own . The problems were placed in their lives because the universe was teaching them something, and how could they learn if there was always someone like me there to fix the problem for them.
We must look outside ourselves and the selfishness of having someone we can count on and worry about who we can help as well. We all need help from time to time but make sure to check on your strong friends and family
They may need YOU today!
…you must speak.
You must walk in a darkness and hope the prayers you speak only in your darkest moments shed light from your heart.
Tell yourself the only thing in the way of my healing is forgiveness.
Cry tears, kick, scream, and smile at your ability to embrace your hurt,
Be strong enough to mend your soul,
Accept the things that have broken you. Stand tall on the broken pieces and say, “I made it!”
Heal because to be whole is to live abundantly.
Poem from “Rose Petals Under a Reaper’s Robe”
Its been an on going pet peeve of mine when someone voices their deepest feelings or their truth to someone and the only response they get is disregard and called crazy! I think its the most disrespectful thing next to being called a bitch ! I’m not saying that it can’t be said in good fun. I know we all have that crazy friend who says the most hilarious things in the worst situations. This is a little bit different than that.
These are the moments when you go to your spouse and tell him/her that you may be having some sort of feelings or just need a bit of reassurance because we all do sometimes. Then the only response they have for you is , ” your tripping or your crazy.” Even family members that feel you have been such a nice person for so long that they can pick and poke with you until you finally snap on them. And what do you know, you’ve become the ” crazy or bipolar” person in the family.
Then trying to sit and explain that maybe they should use better choice words when speaking to you becomes a joke. As if you aren’t entitled to set boundaries on the things that your being called or how you chose to be spoken to. I feel that it’s so saddening that you may not know what people are going through deep down. Maybe being called crazy is hurtful because someone feels that they are never heard or taken seriously when it comes to their feelings. Maybe they have gone through something traumatic and their perception of things and people are tainted and being called crazy triggers unresolved feelings.
We live in a generation that claims to be about self care and filled with those who want to take strides on mental health. The first step is understanding peoples thoughts and feelings even if they aren’t your same feelings or you don’t agree with them. It’s all about being mindful and respectful to someones feelings. Listen when someone speaks, try to understand and if you can’t handle the responsibility of being understanding don’t fix your mouth to call ANYONE crazy!