My 2020 Mantra : ACCOUNTABILITY !

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term mantra. It is  a statement or slogan that is repeated frequently.  I chose accountability because for a long time I have not made others accountable for the things that they have done to me in the past or present but I have grown to realize that if I want others to take accountability then I need to start with myself. I need to be the one who points at myself and accept the things that I could do better, the actions that I can take in order to be at peace with the things that are going on around me and just over all being honest with myself. This means being honest about the  things that I want and need even if that means I have to lose things and people along the way.

I came up with a list of three things that I will practice when analyzing a situation where accountability needs to be taken;

  1. ASK FOR CLARITY ! – If I am in a situation and I am assuming , then I need to immediately check myself and ask questions in order to know whats going on and possibly stop a problem before it happens.
  2. UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS ARE VALID If I am feeling some type of way SAY IT! Don’t let those around me be in the dark about how I feel.  If I am not OK; I need to be sure to speak up and be HEARD.
  3.  EVALUATE IF THIS PERSON/THING IS DOING ME HARM OR GOOD – Take a step back a ask myself if the things or people are causing me harm and can I learn to love them from a distance. 2016-05-13_1610

There has been such a long process in my journey to self love and healing and this has been the toughest part yet. Sometimes we don’t want to hear that we just ” AIN’T SH*T”.

We want to hear all the good things people have to say about us even if they aren’t always true. We want to believe that 10 years from now we are going to be happily married with the spouse we have now even if we know deep down they are cheating little boys who refuse to grow up. We want to believe my friend would never do that. But we all know he/she WILL.

Accountability is about WANTING to be honest no matter if it hurts. To take the burden of holding in secrets or not acknowledging that fact that we are not perfect. It is about knowing that we are TRYING !

 

Break the “Crabs in a Bucket” Cliche’

I have only been an Author and Business owner for a bit over two years now ! And the more and more I learn it’s like the saying goes ” More Money more problems! Although I’m still broke haha

I noticed how many people you know hate you the more blessings come your way. It’s people you wouldn’t expect. People you considered friends or even family who work HARD to bring you down . Criticizing your work or efforts or bad mouthing you in the business community in order to make you look bad so others won’t want to work with you . I personally have seen my logos ( which are trademarked by the way ) blatantly STOLEN! My slogans for my website even.

My boyfriend is the one person I always express my anger with and how hard I work for myself and the things that I do and he says ” it’s because you’re innovative ” of course he was trying to make me feel better and it did help for a bit.

But the more I see the more it makes me angry ! WHY are we bringing other people down that we could be helping? I know I don’t mind helping and I don’t need the credit because that’s just me . If I’m asked for help I give it because I want to see others succeed. But to take and take and then not reciprocate or to feel as though someone’s helping hand is no longer of value when the benefits are solely for the gain of the person you’re helping is just blatant fuckery!

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Brett Sayles Via Pexels.com

I’m sick of seeing people tear one another down in any type of business ! No support , trash talking or even taking ideas and not even being original about it . What happened to building one another up ? What happened to wanting to see people make it ? Especially those who come from some of the same communities or struggles ?

WHY is it that there is always bullshit when it comes to business ! Holding someone down doesn’t boost you up . You’re at a stepping stone where you will need the person ahead of you to pull you forward ! And so on and so forth! We ALL start from somewhere and we all have humbling experiences so there is never a need to look down on someone or purposely try and diminish their businesses or characters for gain !

My hope is that everyone learns we are in this together! Teaching each other and building one another up only makes us stronger. Not only as a community but as individuals! There is room for all of us to win ! But we can’t win trying to make someone else lose.

Expectations.

I see this meme on social media very often that says, ” Stop expecting you from other people.” When I first seen it I agreed with it totally, until I sat down and took a minute to really think about the meaning behind it. I came to the conclusion that agreeing with this meant that I would be selling myself short, I would be accepting any treatment, and telling others that this was OK.

 

Telling someone what you expect of them is setting clear boundaries on what you will or won’t tolerate. If I expect someone to speak to you in the way that you choose , and follow through with their word ; where is the problem in that? How is it ” wrong ” to expect proper treatment.

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It all boils down to the self respect a person has for themselves and how valuable they believe that they are. If I allow someone to be in my space, they need a clear understanding of what is expected. I know the saying :

If you don’t expect anything then you can’t / won’t be disappointed!

And I think it is a bunch of bull ! The only way to be disappointed is allowing yourself to give people power of you, what you need, and setting a standard for them to live up to. I have come to the realization that personal value is a process that we are all at different levels of attaining, BUT that does not mean expecting certain things is wrong. It just means that if the people around us aren’t willing to hear what we need and be active in execution then we need to evaluate the positions they play in our lives !

The Sun Under a Night Sky

Yesterday was the release of my FIFTH book ! Words can’t explain the fear , excitement and accomplishment I feel. 2019 was a LONG year for me but I decided that I would put all of my words , feelings , tears and deepest thoughts into my book. I was blessed enough to find an amazing publisher who taught me so much that I took a chance and chose to learn to self publish ! Learn how to be more in control of my work and have full ownership of my hard work!

I took a leap of faith and I accomplished my goal ! It was not the easiest thing but I researched and took my time to perfect what I chose to put out into the world , but my biggest accomplishment was trusting myself. Trusting that I could accomplish my goal and set the tone of self sufficiency for myself .

For so long I struggled with trusting myself and this was one of the many times that I had to understand that my thoughts and my ideas were just as good as anyone else. It was up to me to take the chance and I am proud to say that I did.  

The title of my book came from the goal of true transformation. Learning who I am, accepting the best parts of me and appreciating that the flaws were also who made. It is the idea that even in the dark we can and will continue to shine and grow as long as we are willing. 

The Sun Under a Night Sky

 You are the sun and the center of your universe.

In this collection of untitled thoughts, poetry, and affirmations; Vontress plants her powerful feminine energy and wisdom like a seed. Showing growth through struggle, and sharing stories of blooming into a flower. She shines her light like the sun into the darkest parts of her soul.

 

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Hello Tranquility!

New year ! And Same me! But more knowledgeable for sure ! 2019 was such a headache for me; it almost broke me but here I stand ! I had my share of disappointments , separated myself from what I found to be toxic to my growth , made mistakes , learned lessons , and got my heart broken on a number of occasions, and I couldn’t understand WHYYYY!

How were these things happening to me when I was doing MY BEST to be open , honest , kinds , helpful and forgiving. How was I walking around with a smile but I was not feeling any peace within. How was I giving love I wasn’t receiving or allowing friends to unload their emotions on me but I couldn’t call them just to say “ hey” without being ignored. How was it I was busting my ass as a mother but I still felt like I was not good enough. IMG_0619

I broke down honestly , I had a moment I let every tear I had been holding within my spirit out, I screamed, and I kicked ! No literally I kicked my Christmas tree down ! I threw glass and I fell to my knees and prayed ! Oddly I asked God for the answers to my questions and the only response I got was “ it’s your time.” And me still feeling unsatisfied I decided that I had to ask myself why I was feeling so let down , so hurt , so unwanted , unloved , unseen and misused by those around me !

Then, Ah Ha I had an epiphany! It was no ones fault but mine why 2019 kicked my behind ! It was me I needed to blame for accepting less than, and selling myself short because I didn’t want to outshine those around. Only because they  couldn’t see what I saw in them. I was the reason I was hurting , giving things to people who wouldn’t do the same for me and I got up with a new outlook!

This year would be a fresh start ! I would use my voice and not just write how I felt on the pages of my books , I would be present in my passions and make the best of it. I would demand the things I give or I would show people the door if they only had intentions of capitalizing off what I could do for them. I would go for everything that I planned for myself even if I failed until I got it right ! I would improve the way that I talked to myself, I would write down my goals and become tunnel vision to any outside noise or negativity that would detour me from my mission.

When I accepted that I can’t save everyone before myself, that love is only what you make it , and I will only be as happy as I allow myself to be I found TRANQUILITY! 

I found peace in knowing that I had more control over how I felt than I gave myself credit for. I was in control of who stayed and went, I had the ability to demand a GOOD love from someone because I DESERVED it, and I didn’t have to maintain friendships based on the history that they held. Most of all I realized that I have been afraid to face who I have always been. The fear that had been holding me back for so long became the very thing that I needed to embrace in order to flourish in the New Year to come. 

I never make new years resolutions but this year I decided to learn more about me, and embrace the flaws I tend to hide and all while reminding myself that everything will be OK as long as i’m putting my best foot forward. So my hope for you , my readers, supporters, family and friends is that you learn to love your broken pieces, and love one another ! 

 

Happy New Year ! – V

What the F*** Now!

Hey Guys ,it been almost 2 months since I had a Blog. SOOORRRRY ! BUT not sorry. I have been trying to catch up with what now is my reality and truly how to handle it all as it comes. I have been trying to learn ways to keep myself organized as an Author, continuing to learn how to run a successful business and find the time to complete my novel.

All of these things literally thrown at me in the span of a years time.  Four books and keeping myself innovative in an ever so changing business and finally accomplishing my first step in making a name for myself . I had to stop and ask ” What the F*** now?”

What do I do with myself, and how do I continue to accomplish the goals that I set for myself when all I want to do is drink a glass of wine and take a nap. And sadly experiencing my first experience with a ” hater” in the business has all be such an overwhelming experience. I never knew how much would come my way with just following my passion. As exciting as its been I have become discouraged in many aspects. Writing a novel or telling ” my story” in other words has become challenging and I am not sure If I can do it. Experiencing business sabotage from my peers. It has left me wanting to stop everything that I have worked so hard for. I did not sign up to have bullshit coming my way from doing the thing that I love the most, and I for sure don’t want to put out work that isn’t good enough for at least one reader. I have even debated so heavily leaving my job before I return from my maternity leave.

But then I asked myself the question again. WHAT THE FUCK NOW!e001a9a1-e272-47a5-a01a-b2cd40ceefdd Then I had to give myself a pep talk ! Remind myself that I am a mother of six, an Author of FOUR books that took my blood, sweat, and tears to accomplish. Let myself know that it took me 31 years of bullshit jobs, bad relationships, bad decisions, and countless career changes in order for me to find my true calling. So whats next is I pick my head up, I continue to speak my truth, spread my imaginative thoughts to others and I write my ass off until I have  become a best selling Author. And only THEN will I be able to have that glass of wine ( or a few) and my much needed nap.

 

Tainted Soil

I’m pleased to announce that my Fourth Poetry book ” Tainted Soil” is officially here!!!

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It took me sometime to find the right words to say, the feelings to feel or even the words to put down on my paper. Trying to find myself again after the birth of my son and working through Symptoms of Postpartum Depression; I decided that I wouldn’t allow the aftershock of my son or my insecurities take control of me or my purpose. I had to coach myself through my feelings and my words to figure out how to express my thoughts. I sat with myself for weeks and focused on the things that I was feeling and needed someone to understand. And then I birthed my fourth baby.

I am so thankful for all of the love and continued support that I have been receiving . From events, to my Blogs, poetry and books. It means the world to me. I still feel like a small time gal trying to make big dreams come true and I just hope that you all continue to follow me on this journey to BEST SELLING AUTHOR !

I’m Manifesting that shit HAHA

I have left the link below for purchase. And for those of you who do PLEASE PLEASE leave your reviews. 50+ reviews puts me on Amazon’s ” Suggested read list and allows me to reach a wider audience. Thanks in advance  -V

 

Tainted Soil !!