In the Spirit of Faith!!

Lately I have been having a hard time with my faith. Not my praying or my conversations that I hold with the man above but faith in myself. The faith that you carry that helps you keep pushing in the midst of  a season where things just are not going as planned.

Just the moment when you have no clue what to do. In this moment I am having a hard time figuring out where I, Vontress went wrong. with loving someone who NEVER loved me ( per his words) . Why am I doing my best as a mother and I am putting forth all the efforts I can and it still doesnt seem good enough. Why my blessings of my new car , and other things don’t feel as special as they should. ( Now this is where my conversation with the man upstairs came in)

I simply asked , ” Where did I go wrong to deserve this horrible break up and these horrible feelings that I have been feeling?” I sat and waited because HE is usually good about quick answers because I know, I be getting on his nerves with the questions but the answer I got was ” YOUR FAITH IN YOOURSELF”. I did not feel deserving of love so I chose a man who would never love me because he does not love himself! I have never been big on material things so my new car doesnt feel like an accomplishment of hard work and stability but a necessity of an adult. I dont feel like a good mother always because I can’t give them the moon and the stars in their hands when that’s all I work for.

I lacked the confidence in all of the things that I was doing because I lost faith in ME! My breakup was the most hurtful thing I had experienced in a long time beccause he was someone I thought I would marry and to know me than  you know I have NEVER had that feeling for ANYONE ! I was looking to my kids to tell me  I was a great mom for the things that I did for validation and I was looking for fulfiment in my “things.”

I lost all the things that made me who I was becuae I was so focused on givng everything I have to others. It was not a lack of self love , or doing what I needed in order to care for myself it was learning to trust ME and my decisions. I had to trust that separating from a man that only meant me harm no matter how much I loved him was ok to d.  No matter the ways he tried to change that feeling. Being a parent and not a friend to my kids would make them into the best adults possible, and the things that I gained in my hard work were meant to be celebrated.

See having faith is not always about leaving everything in the man aboves hands ! We have to do a little work also. It is about trusting YOU, and that the things that you do and decide for yourself are RIGHT ! No matter if it feels a bit awkward at the beginning. I don’t ever try and get holy on yall but I pray for anyone going through a turning point and needing to know , HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF !

As Always,

Stay Healing

SELF Love on Valentines Day!

We all know Valentine’s Day has derived from some pretty dark roots, February 14th has become a cause of celebration. We celebrate the word : LOVE ! Whether singing that single song or a duet of love birds this day has loved and HATED.

Everyone has their own thoughts on love ( depending on our situations).  It comes from the way that we love our spouse, family, or friends. But we never never talk about what comes to mind when we think about what it means to love ourselves. 

Do you appreciate the person you are? Is there a way that you show affection toward yourself? Are you in love with yourself?

If you can’t seem to answer yes to any of these questions then its for damn sure time to give YOU a little love today. Most of us think that loving ourselves means getting a pedicure or going to the movies and YES all of these things are great but are we taking the time to nurture our spirits. Most of the time as a single person we immediately enter this ” panic mode ” feeling of seeing all the happy couples , the gifts and the hoopla on social media. But here are a few steps that you can take toward self love not just today but every day. 

 

1. Appreciate the person you are.

Take time to enjoy everything about you. Of course we are all works of are and on different paths of self discovery but what makes you unique? Those are all the things that you should be celebrating and proud of. Be gentle in the way that you talk to yourself when it comes to your flaws and don’t see them as the reason you aren’t sharing today with someone but more of a day of triumph because you are willing to celebrate the love you have for you. 

2. Go on an Instagram Hiatus.

Social media is clearly the devil. Well , i’m joking, BUT Instagram and other forms of social media should be the very last thing that you want to be indulging in on this day. We ain’t got time to be jealous of everyone and their same roses and chocolates from CVS ( sorry not sorry ) but it doesn’t hurt to throw out there the love you are showing yourself and then signing out for the day. 

3. Write Yourself a Love note

In my book , Affirmed Queen, I mention writing two letters to yourself. One letter is to explain to yourself who you think you are today and the second letter is to explain who you want to be after a year worth of SELF LOVE work. * PS if you haven’t got the book CLICK THE LINK 🙂 * 

4. NOW it’s Time for Pampering.

Run that bubble bath that you keep promising yourself, take yourself on a date, cook a nice meal or Door Dash. ( whichever you prefer). Take time with you and RELAX. Who says today is ONLY for the lovers or married couples. 

 


 

One of the most courageous acts of radical self-love is valuing your time, energy and how much of yourself you are giving to others. Show yourself you care by setting boundaries that prioritize your own wellness. This does not mean that you can’t still be kind, giving you.


 

The concept of today is Love. Loving you, who you are, your strengths and your weaknesses. Spending time with yourself that you usually push back to a later date, and overall enjoying your own company and laughing with yourself. There is no reason to feel discouraged or sad because you have no one to share it with. It should just be another day to love yourself a little more. !

 

Remember before you go to bed look at the most important person in your life in the face and tell them…

I LOVE YOU!

Viva La Honey V.

Whew it was a weekend. I spent my 32nd birthday in Las Vegas. For something this isn’t anything major and to be honest I could not see what all the hype was about but I enjoyed myself. I seen new things and new people but overall I got a new perspective on the things that I need to work on changing in the upcoming year.

 

I need to learn to let loose more. I am always such a planner and I have to have everything planned and organized and it truly takes the fun out of just simply living. I am always caught up in the next thing that I cant see right in front of me and the things that I should be cherishing. The fact that I wake up in the morning and have one more day to make something of myself, the fact that my children are growing into such amazing little human beings, I have a home, a job, a car and I have accomplished so many things in such a short time that I should be so much more grateful that I am.

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I know that deep down we all try to remain humble because we know at anytime things could change and that feeling consumes me on a day to day basis. Five years ago I was in the worse place of my life, no car, homeless , and hungry and to build my self back up to the place that I am today. I am so determined to never go back to that, I constantly worry about everything and I have become such an uptight person to others when that is not who I truly am.

This trip ( even though it was only 4 days long ) taught me that it is OK to live a little. I can have some fun, stick my feet in the sand and have a drink or two! There is nothing wrong with enjoying the things that I worked hard for. Its OK for Stella to get her groove back once in a while, to have time away from responsibilities and to just overall recharge.

IN OTHER NEWS !!! 

January 5th I released my FIFTH book “The Sun Under a Night Sky” and had the Bookiversary to my Second book ” Rose Petals Under a Reaper’s Robe : Unveiled” on my birthday. It is such an overwhelming feeling and I feel like I am content in my purpose. I have found something that I love, and that I am naturally good at. I can’t wait to share with you the rest of the things that I have in store for myself for the rest of the year.

 

 

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