In this fourth letter I shed light on my toxic friendships, and how much I allowed them to affect me. I allowed them to make me into a person that I wasn’t. I allowed the judgement of jealous” friends” dictate how I felt about myself and hinder me from the things that I felt were best for ME. Based simply on the fact that I didn’t want to be judged because my preferences and my life choices were different from theirs. I was absolutely taken advantage of in many ways and that brought me way down. To the point I had to separate myself from them. Of course I became the bad guy and the reason I removed myself became a whole big thing of he/she say and of course slandering my name. And no i’m not a victim and nor was I innocent; but when I decided to part ways I was only doing what was best for myself. I did what I needed to do in order to make room for people who were going to be an asset to my dreams, bring positive energy into my world and teach me things as a woman and mother that I just wasn’t getting from these friends. I needed people who genuinely had my best interest at heart. So I chose myself. When I wrote this letter I had two old friends in mind. They were around the longest and yet the most toxic but they never really understood that because their egos got in the way of having meaningful conversation or throwing their actions on me.
When I understood that friends I’ve had for years ; weren’t really my friends at all it made it was easier for me to move on. It helped me to flourish as an individual and spot the red flags in people who use the ” friend” word too loosely. Burning the letter allowed me to release the obligation and loyalty I felt I had for them, it allowed the secrets we shared to burn into ashes and fly away in the nights sky. The only hope I ever had/have for these individuals is they realize that being a friend takes more than a picture posted on social media, or a quick ride to the gas station. It takes the ability to be selfless !
Happy Monday!! The second letter in my series; is a letter I wrote in light of my own personal turmoil ! I was in a situation with people I felt were friends. I felt “safe” and come to find out I wasn’t. I was sexually assaulted. I woke up confused and the person responsible acted as if everything was OK and he had done nothing. Of course shameful and not clearly grasping what happened to me I kept the incident to myself. (As many survivors of assault do.) I had to learn to forgive someone who was not sorry for their actions, forgive myself for being shameful for something that I was not responsible for , and pray for Mercy upon this person.
With this letter my goal was to face reality and fully accept things for what they were. It has taught me to be cautious in all situations and be mindful who I call friends. My hopes with sharing this letter is that other woman confront the things that have happened to them and be able to forgive those who have done them harm , for themselves , and continue to pray mercy for those who will need it.
In my recent book release ” Rose Petals Under a Reaper’s Robe: Unveiled,” I Opened up about many subjects. I figure why not tell my story the best way I knew how. Through my writing. People would take the time to know a more intimate me or they would look right past. The end of my book covers letters that I have written to parts of my past, my current situations , and what I hope to gain int he future. Telling a vivid story of the sexual assault I endured, making peace with leaving my father out of my life for good, loving unconditionally, and finally making peace with myself. Overall finding the courage to burn the letters and let go of all the things I felt accountable for holding me back, and my choice to lift myself up into a higher light.
The first letter to ” you” covers simply how I thank someone I love. How they have helped me to see many thing about myself and my life in such a short time and how grateful I am to have encountered such and individual.
What I hope to cover is the meaning behind each of my letters in more detail. Only hoping that someone can see how taking the time to be honest with yourself, others and even forgive those who will never be sorry for the things they have done.
Please Take these letters a start to your own start to healing and understanding “YOU”