To You, From V ( My letter to ” ME”)

This letter was the hardest  to write, and written over a few months time. I had a very difficult year 2017 and I felt like all the things that I assumed I had over come started to pop up out of no where. My hurt from a relationship, feeling unworthy of someones love, and feeling over all out of place in this world. I talked to God over and over about helping me figure out what I needed to do to see ME! To love ME. And he told me simply I needed to stop being afraid of my own greatness. The love I was looking for I already had within myself. The feelings of unworthiness came from carrying around the baggage of past lovers and friends who were not worthy of ME! He told me to forgive myself.

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The moment I forgave myself I had everything I needed. I accepted that yes, I was a flawed woman, nor was I perfect, definitely made mistakes and I am still all that I ever needed. I am the Prize no matter how some may see me or feel about me. I cant allow the perception of others dictate the way I handle my worth. This letter still sits in my dresser as a reminder of where I have been. And every so often the plan is to update it and eventually leave them behind for my daughters to read. In order for them to understand that their mother struggled also but its the way I got up from everything that knocked me down that made me V!

Teenagers and Dating: The reason why I wont allow my teens to date!

I chose this topic because it is something that I am currently going through at the moment and i’m sure many other mothers and fathers can relate to it. I have two older children a boy (14) and a daughter (13) as of this year. They are starting to ask questions regarding my dating life, my past relationship with their father and even questions regarding the nature of my current relationship. I am very open and honest when I tell them about the things that I experienced. My good and even my bad experiences. I make sure to let them know; by me telling the truth about my personal experience is not to scare them away from dating but for them to understand that they are at a very impressionable age. Small things are so major in teenagers lives because they don’t grasp the concept of what love really is and all that work that takes to maintain a healthy relationship. They always make the same comment, “you had a boyfriend when you were a teenager.” And I let them know that they are absolutely correct but I inform them my mother never said that I couldn’t and i’m choosing to make different choices than my mother in order to have a different outcome for my children. No, this is not to say my mother was wrong for allowing us to date but I see what I went through so young and how it affected me and I just want differently for my own.

Its a few main things I make sure to go over:

  1. Just because you are interested in someone now doesn’t mean you will be when you finally realize who you want to be and the life you want to live
  2. Peer pressure in relationships or feeling obligated to have sex that you may not be ready for
  3. early pregnancy
  4. Loss of focus on their goals and academics
  5. mental or physical abuse that cant be determined as such
  6. emotional damage from an early heart break that could damage them for years to come.

A lot of these reasons apply no matter what age, but my biggest is the teen pregnancy and the emotional damage and its because its something that I can speak about first hand. I had both of my children back to back at the age 17 and 18. I was in a relationship with their father and he wasn’t the best person. He was very emotionally damaging to the point I felt as if I would never find a person to love me the correct way. I allow my children to know that yes, we were both young and made mistakes between the both of us. But I harbored a lot of animosity toward men for a long time and i’m sure I pushed a lot of people away who had pure intentions. I didn’t trust anyone, I felt unworthy , and always waited for the ” bad things” to happen. I allow my children to know that being damaged so young can ruin good things in the future. My job is to protect them as best I can but also teach them the fundamentals of being in a healthy relationship, and what it looks like. For my son to understand that being a man of his word and always being honest is what he needs to learn the value of before feeling as though he is man enough to take on the responsibility of a relationship. I try to allow my daughter to understand that not all young men have pure intentions and even if they are good people at heart. Fitting in to what their friends feel is, ” cool” is more important than living up to the standards of a healthy relationship.

Putting themselves first, loving themselves and taking the time to explore the world in the right way is my hope for them. Of course I cant protect them from everything but if I teach them the value of self love they will save themselves a lot of trouble in the future.

Happy Birthday : Chapter 31

Happy New Year !

Welcome to 2019; a new slate of 365 new days of opportunities. As we enter a new year there are so many things that I’m happy to say that I’ve left behind. Toxic Friendships, bad personal habits that have taken me years to overcome and most of all the self-doubt I have carried when it comes to my ideas and crafts.

January 10, 2019, HAPPPPYYY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEE ! Today is my 31st birthday and I’m happy to start this newest chapter in my life. What’s even more exciting is today is the release of my SECOND … yes SECOND book Release. It is Volume 2 of my Collection: “Rose Petals Under a Reaper’s Robe: Unveiled.” I am overjoyed to have so many people’s support on doing what makes me happy. I have shared a bit of myself on each page. Covering areas of my love, heart breaks , betrayal and my overall road to being content in happiness. release19This Collection was a bit more challenging for me to write because I was very personal with my subjects and of course there is always the fear of the judgement from others. My goal with my poetry collection is to encourage and be a voice to someone who hasn’t yet found their way. My collection, Vol I& II are available for purchase on Amazon, Barnes & Noble And of course my Publishing outlet ; Black Eden Publications.

In Even Better news I’m Proud to introduce my personal line of merchandise; “Honeyz Drips“. For the woman Dipped in all shades Melanin! I’ve branded a collection geared toward quotes of encouragement. I hope you all check it out; along with my First Line Of Apparel SwampzENT that will relaunch in of Spring 2019. For our amazing supporters who have been patiently waiting ! We definitely have things in store for you. img_8485

I’m very pleased to share ( for those of you who don’t already know) I have Joined an amazing team of writers. All women of color with such amazing back grounds in Blogging, Podcasts, Editing , even a few published Authors. Along with so much more. The platform is called Queen Media Collective.img_8479 You are definitely missing out if you haven’t checked them out ! If have Five Articles Posted currently entitled:

  • ” Why will be support people we don’t know before we support our own friends”
  • ” Scared of my own Potential
  • ” The Secret is out” ( Anonymous interview on sexual Assault
  • ” Dating ans the Single Mother: Is she worthy”
  • ” Single Mothers and Teenage Boys”

It’s just the beginning so pleased stay connected with all the things that we as a team have in store for you.

January 19th I hope that you’ll all Join me and so many other talented local artists               ( Those of you in or close to the Sacramento , CA Area). We have an amazing Event ” The  Sound Of Art”.img_8372 A platform for local artists and vendors to display their art, poetry, music and more. This event wouldn’t be possible without the Talented John’Nay Lasha. So I would personally like to thank her for the opportunity to be in a room filled with such amazing Up and coming talents.

And Last but not least My little Man will be here So SOON! Already being a mother, I felt like I’ve had this under control. But things are so much easier when your baby is still in the womb ( aha ). I am so excited to see his little face. And plan to share much more of his journey with you all when he arrives.

Heres to and amazing start to 2019! It’s going to be an amazing year for not only myself but you all as well. SPEAK IT INTO EXISTENCE.

 

More than a Mother!

I never understood the unspoken rule of mothers. That we are to give our all to our children and nothing to ourselves. Its wrong if we want to take a minute to take care of ourselves, Read a book , or go back to school and follow our dreams. But I cant understand why? Why cant we do things that make us happy without looking like bad mothers or being criticized for taking the initiative to be ourselves and mothers at the same time. il_fullxfull.1220692580_5n69I never wanted to be the mother that lived only for the wants and needs of my children and wake up one day and have nothing to look back on. Nothing to say that i’m proud of myself for. Or worse not showing my kids what hard work and dedication to bettering yourself looks like. Its difficult for mothers to hear criticism regarding their choices in life and somehow it has become the norm. That the woman take the fault for doing what it is that makes them happy While the fathers get the leeway to do whatever they like and take the time they need in order to get their careers together for the family. I for one don’t agree with that and never will . I am a woman and mother who feels that I am ME first and then I am a mother, daughter, and friend. I feel that its okay for me to go after my dreams and take time for myself . Quite frankly , how can I be the best mother I can be if I can’t take the time to take care of myself ?

Most people will say ” you had kids you gave up having a life when you had your children.” WRONG! My life just began the moment we become mothers . We look at the world differently , we have an unconditional love , and someone looking to us like super hero’s ! Our jobs are to teach our children that self care is what should be promoted with being a mother . Showing our children that mommy is a business owner , a holder of multiple degrees or a Pillar of the community making a difference . Not just someone who wipes tears and packs lunches . This isn’t to say that stay at home mothers or mothers who dedicate their lives to taking care of their children shouldn’t be celebrated but there aredownload so many things women are capable of . We are the epitome of strength and perseverance so why should we ONLY hold the title of ” Mother.”

I have had so many bad things said about me personally because I chose to go to school and pursue my education which took me away from dinners or sports games of my children. BUT my children understood yes I am making sacrifices for things and moments that are precious that I can’t get back but I’m making a way for bigger memories and moments to come . I think it’s healthy for children to understand the life of a mother , the things we go through and how much of the hard work we put into making ourselves better people. All for us to know they are proud of us ! Proud of us for doing what’s best for them , proud of us for paving a way for them to follow their dreams without conditions and proud of themselves for being understanding of all the things their mothers are capable of . I grew up in a single parent home, my mother worked many jobs to provide for us and we had any and everything we needed and wanted but she didn’t do much for herself. Watching her I was proud. IMG_5436I made it a point to make sure I did things that made me happy, I took time for myself to learn new things , go to school , I wrote a book and I can say I have started to define myself not only as a mother of five beautiful children I get to call my own but I get to be VONTRESS!

I get to show my daughters that the world has so many wonderful things to offer and they can have any and everything they put their minds and hard work into. I get to show my sons that women are more than someone who is going to cook the meals and wash their clothes. They can be anything they want to be and still hold the humble title and most fulfilling title of all ” MOM.”

 

 

 

” How can I be myself if everything I want I can’t be? To succeed, be a better me, or An amazing woman with accomplished goals. Or to be defined for who I AM and what I can do outside of being just a Mother, a Daughter or a Friend? Is it a bad thing that that I want to Be ME. A woman of great strength , intelligence and perseverance. and Then add the other amazing titles to my name? How can I be a better mother if I can’t show my children my ability to fly? How how can I be a friend if I cant offer my best self? and How can I be a daughter if I cant make my parents proud?” –Vontress R. Ortega