Postpartum Depression is a REAL thing !!

Postpartum Depression is a REAL thing !!

img_2351As most of you know I gave birth to my youngest son a little over three months ago. And as joyous as this experience has been for others it has been a bit of a struggle for me ! I couldn’t really put my finger on what was going on with me emotionally. Of course moms always think that we will bounce back and go right back to our bodies before baby, that we will still feel sexy and that because we are already moms that we have got it all under control.

That is what I thought and I was 100% WRONG ! This pregnancy with my son was very difficult. I was in some of the worst pain in my life, and also my son was diagnosed with having only one kidney. So this along with all of the hormonal stuff , I started to noticed that I wasn’t as engaged as a new mother should be. Of course I did the feeding and diaper changes but my urge to not want to be around my baby or any of my babies for that matter became stronger. I started losing my interest in wanting to be affectionate with them . It just became this overwhelming feeling of ” LEAVE ME ALONE .”

I didn’t want to come out of my room , make dinner , or help them with anything . I honestly just wanted to hide from them. Of course me being the woman that I am as much as I had these feelings I was also feeling terrible about this. Like what sort of mother wouldn’t want to be around their children or hold their new baby. But it was just my reality. So I told my partner that I was not feeling like myself and of course I think he was just assuming I meant because I was being a mom to older children and staying up all hours of the night breastfeeding a new born.

But the feeling was deeper and naturally trying to convince myself nothing was wrong I kept bottling the feeling up and I started to become more irritable and snapping at everyone. On top of the fact that I was crying for EVERY little thing. I forgot my phone upstairs I’d start balling, or my baby would cry, and I was for sure crying louder and harder then he was.

All of this lead me to see my therapist and that’s when I realized what I have been feeling is Postpartum Depression . It was a very REAL thing. The saddest part was I sat and told myself ” this is not a BLACK woman thing” But in reality mental health issues don’t skip you because of your race. The fact of the matter is so many more women of color suffer from this and don’t get the right help or treatments. They live and suffer with this DAILY and yet they have no one. They don’t  have the home support or family support. They cant afford the medications , or  therapy sessions but most of the time they don’t want to have the shame behind saying that something is wrong with them and they need help.

Truth is we all need help and its OK to ask . I am not big on asking others for help and day to day is a struggle with trying to understand what is currently going on with me . I struggle to voice how I feel and allowing myself to be vulnerable in situations that I otherwise wouldn’t be. I had to accept the fact that If I didn’t take the steps forward to handle this situation that I wouldn’t be OK , my babies would suffer and ultimately this ” THING” would consume me.

My son is only three months old and i’m not sure how long this will take to get better. I am unsure how it started but I do know that I am willing to work through this and also let others know that getting help is important. To understand the symptoms.

  1. Sadness
  2. Mood-swings
  3. Feeling overwhelmed
  4. Crying spells
  5. Problems with memory and concentration
  6. Changes in sleep Pattern
  7. Altered eating patterns
  8. Exhaustion
  9. Socially withdrawn
  10. Loss of Libido

If you are feeling any of these things or just feeling Depressed in any way. PLEASE talk to someone and get the help that you need. We all go through things and it is OK for us to seek help and do whats best for ourselves even when we feel afraid to do so. Take the necessary steps for your mental health. You cant take care of anyone else unless you take care of YOU FIRST !

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Mamiana

Mamiana

Whew Chile ! After 39 weeks of what has been my most frustrating pregnancy ever; my little bundle of joy is finally here ! Baby TJ came in at 8 pounds, and 20 inches long ! At 8:26pm on March 9, 2019!! And boy am I happier than ever that he’s finally here ! I had sort of a struggle with my pregnancy. But the real Battle begins. us

When I was about 20 weeks pregnant we found out that our son suffers from Renal Agenesis ! This is a condition where one or both of the kidneys do not develop in the uterus. My son happens to have only the right kidney. ! At first the diagnosis threw me for a loop. I couldn’t understand what I had done wrong, and why God would do such a thing to my son. He’s an innocent baby and he deserved to live a full life with no limitations. After his birth I instantly went into panic mode ! Wondering how could I handle his condition and not make him feel disabled. Then I had to sit and have a conversation with God, and realize that he blessed me with this child because he knew that I could handle anything ; in order for him to live his life to the fullest. And I would ensure that he had all he needed to feel just as normal as any other kids. But what is normal any way?! As much as this makes me panic as a mother I know that nothing but good can come of this situation and he is here to teach me something about life. I am thankful for my son and the journey we have ahead of us.

Being a new ..But old mommy definitely has its ups and downs. I went right back into the only thing I know. Taking care of the precious little one but of course I have to be sure not to lose focus on myself. A lot of mommies will forget they need to eat or even shower. My goal is to ensure that I do not fall into a place of forgetting that I too am important in the birth of my newest addition and if I am not OK he wont be OK. mamiana Officially one week after giving birth I have been so worried about getting my figure back and just having that ” normal” feeling. I just have to remind myself that it takes time and not to be so hard on myself. So for all of those moms out there be sure to take the time you need for yourself even if its just a hot cup of coffee in the morning or a warm bubble bath. Take care of YOU !

BUT on a lighter note I have a few things to share ! I will be hosting my book signing event April 13, 2019. At Chaise Lounge !! For those of you wanting to attend, mingle with ME, hear some of my poetry and of course get those books signed be sure to RSVP . I am really excited to be up close and personal with those of you who have purchased my books and who have supported me since day one. pink flyer

Also , I will be attending an ALL WHITE event hosted by my good friend Melaysia ! The event will be June 22nd! It is a free event that will show case local Authors such as myself, artists, performances and so much more. Be sure to RSVP and come show your support ! And for those of you who don’t know she is also an amazing Author of: Butterfly A Collection of Poetry 

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Be sure to also Grab your copies of my Books they are all available on Amazon.  For those of you Kindle users you can read them all FREE !!!

“Rose Petals Under a Reaper’s Robe”

“Rose Petals Under a Reaper’s Robe: Unveiled “

” Affirmed Queen: A book of Affirmations for the Woman in Healing”