How Will I Tell MY Sons…

How do I explain to my sons ….

How do I explain to my sons that the beautiful black skin they are in won’t be loved by others?

How do I explain to my sons that their strong – chiseled physique will be intimidating to those who don’t poses the same features?

How do I explain they will be feared for merely educating themselves with knowledge of where they come from and who they are destined to be?

How do I explain to sons the difference between cooperation and complacency?

How will I explain to them they are at risk of losing their lives for reaching for their phones and wallets?

How will I explain to my daughters they are valuable in A world that sees them only as objects?

How will I explain to my daughters they will be pushed against one another because one will be more “ desirable “ due to her fake skin and the other ridiculed for being dark chocolate like her matriarch queen ?

How will someone explain to me my son being shot dead in the street , a knee on his neck while he screams he can breathe , being gunned down while buying skittles , executed while complying all because they are BLACK!

How will WE make this change?

The Black Man and Accountability!

 

I tried to be quiet but I can’t ! And whomever doesn’t like what I have to say ! God Bless you anyway ! As a black woman of FOUR black sons ; I know the struggles they will face , I know the injustices they will experience and I know how the world looks at them without them saying one word . I tell my sons all the time the value of life , honesty , RESPONSIBILITY for your actions ACCOUNTABILITY for the consequences that follow !

Now someone posted this meme and I’ll tell you it pissed me off to my core :

* DISCLAIMER* : This post is via Instagram.com. Apologies for the language and incorrect grammar!

Why is the world to blame for the inadequacies that certain individuals have? I will be the first to say that I love black men , always have and always will, when I see something going wrong I advocate for them and I speak my peace for those who do not always have a voice and the courage to use it . But what I do not appreciate is a victim. My favorite saying is,” you can not have peace where you create chaos. ” Now with that being said lets break this down. IF a man ( of any color ) is not doing what is necessary by the unwritten laws of adulthood why would he be anything other than less than his potential? Why is ” America” and their choices of how they view black men a reason to become those negative things. And if you are not qualified for a job why are you not taking another look at your resume, finding out how and where you can advocate for yourself if you feel you have been treated unfairly. 

My biggest problem is the war between the black woman and man. Black women have became the biggest reason to blame in the victimization role that Black Men have come to be comfortable in. Why is is that baby mothers are called bitter for telling you where you need to IMPROVE AS a MAN in order to be a GOOD FATHER for your children ? Why are Black Women the root of calling men ” AIN’T SHIT” And for the hell of it why is that other races of women are treated better than the black woman.  I watched an episode of an amazing web series called ” Black On Both Sides” written by Alonge Hawes. In Episode 6 there were two black individuals feuding over the dynamic between the black man and woman. Oddly both happened to have white spouses but one part struck a nerve. The wife of the black man was giving him a pep talk and in the talk she tells him in so many words that ” Black men don’t do feelings.” To me its simple , black men run from what is real that is why in my opinion there are so many men turning their backs on the reality of who they are and dating outside of their race. They are doing this instead of looking at themselves in the mirror and taking things for what they are and realizing no one is responsible for the things that they choose to put into the world but THEM ! Now don’t get me wrong, I could truly care less whom anyone dates or if they are green . blue . or purple. My problem comes in when Black Men feel that other races hold more relevancy than they one they came from and dating races they claim to be the blame for the poor treatment the receive throughout society. 

It is up to black men to stop and figure out how they can be better. What they can do to shut down stereotypes by ” America” , taking care of their children so they aren’t being called “deadbeats” and ensuring that they are living up to the best of their potential to be in the jobs and positions they deserve. Point the finger at yourself sometimes and make the necessary changes for a better outcome. 

SELF Love on Valentines Day!

We all know Valentine’s Day has derived from some pretty dark roots, February 14th has become a cause of celebration. We celebrate the word : LOVE ! Whether singing that single song or a duet of love birds this day has loved and HATED.

Everyone has their own thoughts on love ( depending on our situations).  It comes from the way that we love our spouse, family, or friends. But we never never talk about what comes to mind when we think about what it means to love ourselves. 

Do you appreciate the person you are? Is there a way that you show affection toward yourself? Are you in love with yourself?

If you can’t seem to answer yes to any of these questions then its for damn sure time to give YOU a little love today. Most of us think that loving ourselves means getting a pedicure or going to the movies and YES all of these things are great but are we taking the time to nurture our spirits. Most of the time as a single person we immediately enter this ” panic mode ” feeling of seeing all the happy couples , the gifts and the hoopla on social media. But here are a few steps that you can take toward self love not just today but every day. 

 

1. Appreciate the person you are.

Take time to enjoy everything about you. Of course we are all works of are and on different paths of self discovery but what makes you unique? Those are all the things that you should be celebrating and proud of. Be gentle in the way that you talk to yourself when it comes to your flaws and don’t see them as the reason you aren’t sharing today with someone but more of a day of triumph because you are willing to celebrate the love you have for you. 

2. Go on an Instagram Hiatus.

Social media is clearly the devil. Well , i’m joking, BUT Instagram and other forms of social media should be the very last thing that you want to be indulging in on this day. We ain’t got time to be jealous of everyone and their same roses and chocolates from CVS ( sorry not sorry ) but it doesn’t hurt to throw out there the love you are showing yourself and then signing out for the day. 

3. Write Yourself a Love note

In my book , Affirmed Queen, I mention writing two letters to yourself. One letter is to explain to yourself who you think you are today and the second letter is to explain who you want to be after a year worth of SELF LOVE work. * PS if you haven’t got the book CLICK THE LINK 🙂 * 

4. NOW it’s Time for Pampering.

Run that bubble bath that you keep promising yourself, take yourself on a date, cook a nice meal or Door Dash. ( whichever you prefer). Take time with you and RELAX. Who says today is ONLY for the lovers or married couples. 

 


 

One of the most courageous acts of radical self-love is valuing your time, energy and how much of yourself you are giving to others. Show yourself you care by setting boundaries that prioritize your own wellness. This does not mean that you can’t still be kind, giving you.


 

The concept of today is Love. Loving you, who you are, your strengths and your weaknesses. Spending time with yourself that you usually push back to a later date, and overall enjoying your own company and laughing with yourself. There is no reason to feel discouraged or sad because you have no one to share it with. It should just be another day to love yourself a little more. !

 

Remember before you go to bed look at the most important person in your life in the face and tell them…

I LOVE YOU!

It’s Me…I’M BITCHES!

I don’t know who needs to hear this but sometimes I  just DON’T ! LOL When I mean I don’t , sometimes I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to leave my house or do anything and I definitely don’t want to wear a bra or pants.

I just want to sit in my house turn off my phone, turn my music up and chill alone. I have always been a person who enjoys solitude which may seem odd to some being that i’m a mother of six. But I have always been a loner. I like to enjoy the silence, when everyone is asleep; I like to get up early in the morning and look out the window right before the sun has fully risen. There is something about being alone that brings me peace.

Having an already hectic schedule there are times that I just don’t want to be the ” go to person,” and  I don’t want to talk to friends about pointless things. Although they know me well enough to know when I am not feeling anything, and when to leave me be until I come out of my shell. It took me a long time to learn what peace and solitude was and now that I have found it and have the courage to keep it I cherish it.

Most people think that I’m mean and irritable but for a long time I ran myself dry. Giving love advice every five minutes when my life was in shambles, cooking and cleaning for the kids and doing pointless favors for whomever needed it. I did all of this KNOWING that I didn’t want to most of the time. I got to the point that when I say LEAVE ME ALONE I damn well meant it.

Photo by Ree via Pexels.com

I used to be so afraid to speak up and take time for myself or let others know that being physically drained from giving so much is a real thing. Understanding that people need to recharge and take time for themselves has to be understood. I need my time to gather thoughts, to find my sanity through my meditation and sometimes isolate myself from the world and outside noise in order for me to be OK ! We are so consumed in chaos and drama that we forget to take care of ourselves and preserve our peace. I always encourage people to spend time with themselves in order to connect with what their soul needs in order to be at peace. 

 

Who Heals the Healers?

Often the strong friend or family member has no one to look to in their time of need ! They give in all ways and always to help others find balance and healing within themselves and their lives ! But strong people need healing as well . They need to know they can show their vulnerability and be strong in sharing their emotions. The healer often suffers in silence because they feel as if showing emotion is a sign of weakness to those who look to them for strength. Be mindful of your strong friend/family .

Understand that the strongest people around you carry the most weight and always feel obligated to be a shoulder, an ear , a ride , and an ATM! They feel like if they aren’t there then who else will ! But just like you they need someone to be there.

I know because I have always been the “go to ” and it can be exhausting . Giving and giving and leaving myself the leftovers. And often times I didn’t have anything left to give…ME!c7a4fd4542b18e0448ccfa6aa0df6c39.png

I had to talk to myself and remind myself it’s OK to say no ! It’s OK to not answer my phone and not always be at the beck and call of someone’s else’s problems. Sometimes they needed to learn to solve on their own . The problems were placed in their lives because the universe was teaching them something, and how could they learn if there was always someone like me there to fix the problem for them.

We must look outside ourselves and the selfishness of having someone we can count on and worry about who we can help as well. We all need help from time to time but make sure to check on your strong friends and family

They may need YOU today!

 

 

To Heal

…you must speak.

You must walk in a darkness and hope the prayers you speak only in your darkest moments shed light from your heart.

Tell yourself the only thing in the way of my healing is forgiveness.

Cry tears, kick, scream, and smile at your ability to embrace your hurt,

Be strong enough to mend your soul,

Accept the things that have broken you. Stand tall on the broken pieces and say, “I made it!”

Heal because to be whole is to live abundantly.

 

Poem from “Rose Petals Under a Reaper’s Robe”