How do I explain to my sons that the beautiful black skin they are in won’t be loved by others?
How do I explain to my sons that their strong – chiseled physique will be intimidating to those who don’t poses the same features?
How do I explain they will be feared for merely educating themselves with knowledge of where they come from and who they are destined to be?
How do I explain to sons the difference between cooperation and complacency?
How will I explain to them they are at risk of losing their lives for reaching for their phones and wallets?
How will I explain to my daughters they are valuable in A world that sees them only as objects?
How will I explain to my daughters they will be pushed against one another because one will be more “ desirable “ due to her fake skin and the other ridiculed for being dark chocolate like her matriarch queen ?
How will someone explain to me my son being shot dead in the street , a knee on his neck while he screams he can breathe , being gunned down while buying skittles , executed while complying all because they are BLACK!
I don’t know who needs to hear this but sometimes I just DON’T ! LOL When I mean I don’t , sometimes I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to leave my house or do anything and I definitely don’t want to wear a bra or pants.
I just want to sit in my house turn off my phone, turn my music up and chill alone. I have always been a person who enjoys solitude which may seem odd to some being that i’m a mother of six. But I have always been a loner. I like to enjoy the silence, when everyone is asleep; I like to get up early in the morning and look out the window right before the sun has fully risen. There is something about being alone that brings me peace.
Having an already hectic schedule there are times that I just don’t want to be the ” go to person,” and I don’t want to talk to friends about pointless things. Although they know me well enough to know when I am not feeling anything, and when to leave me be until I come out of my shell. It took me a long time to learn what peace and solitude was and now that I have found it and have the courage to keep it I cherish it.
Most people think that I’m mean and irritable but for a long time I ran myself dry. Giving love advice every five minutes when my life was in shambles, cooking and cleaning for the kids and doing pointless favors for whomever needed it. I did all of this KNOWING that I didn’t want to most of the time. I got to the point that when I say LEAVE ME ALONE I damn well meant it.
I used to be so afraid to speak up and take time for myself or let others know that being physically drained from giving so much is a real thing. Understanding that people need to recharge and take time for themselves has to be understood. I need my time to gather thoughts, to find my sanity through my meditation and sometimes isolate myself from the world and outside noise in order for me to be OK ! We are so consumed in chaos and drama that we forget to take care of ourselves and preserve our peace. I always encourage people to spend time with themselves in order to connect with what their soul needs in order to be at peace.