Who Heals the Healers?

Who Heals the Healers?

Often the strong friend or family member has no one to look to in their time of need ! They give in all ways and always to help others find balance and healing within themselves and their lives ! But strong people need healing as well . They need to know they can show their vulnerability and be strong in sharing their emotions. The healer often suffers in silence because they feel as if showing emotion is a sign of weakness to those who look to them for strength. Be mindful of your strong friend/family .

Understand that the strongest people around you carry the most weight and always feel obligated to be a shoulder, an ear , a ride , and an ATM! They feel like if they aren’t there then who else will ! But just like you they need someone to be there.

I know because I have always been the “go to ” and it can be exhausting . Giving and giving and leaving myself the leftovers. And often times I didn’t have anything left to give…ME!c7a4fd4542b18e0448ccfa6aa0df6c39.png

I had to talk to myself and remind myself it’s OK to say no ! It’s OK to not answer my phone and not always be at the beck and call of someone’s else’s problems. Sometimes they needed to learn to solve on their own . The problems were placed in their lives because the universe was teaching them something, and how could they learn if there was always someone like me there to fix the problem for them.

We must look outside ourselves and the selfishness of having someone we can count on and worry about who we can help as well. We all need help from time to time but make sure to check on your strong friends and family

They may need YOU today!

 

 

To Heal

…you must speak.

You must walk in a darkness and hope the prayers you speak only in your darkest moments shed light from your heart.

Tell yourself the only thing in the way of my healing is forgiveness.

Cry tears, kick, scream, and smile at your ability to embrace your hurt,

Be strong enough to mend your soul,

Accept the things that have broken you. Stand tall on the broken pieces and say, “I made it!”

Heal because to be whole is to live abundantly.

 

Poem from “Rose Petals Under a Reaper’s Robe”

 

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Teenagers and Dating: The reason why I wont allow my teens to date!

Teenagers and Dating: The reason why I wont allow my teens to date!

I chose this topic because it is something that I am currently going through at the moment and i’m sure many other mothers and fathers can relate to it. I have two older children a boy (14) and a daughter (13) as of this year. They are starting to ask questions regarding my dating life, my past relationship with their father and even questions regarding the nature of my current relationship. I am very open and honest when I tell them about the things that I experienced. My good and even my bad experiences. I make sure to let them know; by me telling the truth about my personal experience is not to scare them away from dating but for them to understand that they are at a very impressionable age. Small things are so major in teenagers lives because they don’t grasp the concept of what love really is and all that work that takes to maintain a healthy relationship. They always make the same comment, “you had a boyfriend when you were a teenager.” And I let them know that they are absolutely correct but I inform them my mother never said that I couldn’t and i’m choosing to make different choices than my mother in order to have a different outcome for my children. No, this is not to say my mother was wrong for allowing us to date but I see what I went through so young and how it affected me and I just want differently for my own.

Its a few main things I make sure to go over:

  1. Just because you are interested in someone now doesn’t mean you will be when you finally realize who you want to be and the life you want to live
  2. Peer pressure in relationships or feeling obligated to have sex that you may not be ready for
  3. early pregnancy
  4. Loss of focus on their goals and academics
  5. mental or physical abuse that cant be determined as such
  6. emotional damage from an early heart break that could damage them for years to come.

A lot of these reasons apply no matter what age, but my biggest is the teen pregnancy and the emotional damage and its because its something that I can speak about first hand. I had both of my children back to back at the age 17 and 18. I was in a relationship with their father and he wasn’t the best person. He was very emotionally damaging to the point I felt as if I would never find a person to love me the correct way. I allow my children to know that yes, we were both young and made mistakes between the both of us. But I harbored a lot of animosity toward men for a long time and i’m sure I pushed a lot of people away who had pure intentions. I didn’t trust anyone, I felt unworthy , and always waited for the ” bad things” to happen. I allow my children to know that being damaged so young can ruin good things in the future. My job is to protect them as best I can but also teach them the fundamentals of being in a healthy relationship, and what it looks like. For my son to understand that being a man of his word and always being honest is what he needs to learn the value of before feeling as though he is man enough to take on the responsibility of a relationship. I try to allow my daughter to understand that not all young men have pure intentions and even if they are good people at heart. Fitting in to what their friends feel is, ” cool” is more important than living up to the standards of a healthy relationship.

Putting themselves first, loving themselves and taking the time to explore the world in the right way is my hope for them. Of course I cant protect them from everything but if I teach them the value of self love they will save themselves a lot of trouble in the future.

To You, From V ( My letter to “HER”)

To You, From V ( My letter to “HER”)

Welcome to the third letter in my ” Letters in Healing” Series. This letter was one that was difficult to write. There was one person that I harbored sooooo much anger toward. She made my skin crawl just to hear her name. I despised the thought of her. She had a part of my heart that I felt I would never get back. No , not from infidelities as many would imagine. Just an unfortunate situation that happened in the midst of space apart. Were all adults and we some times have to take time apart in order to grow as individuals. We have to realize what we have, if its worth the fight , and how  to go about preserving the love that sometimes we feel may be lost at times in a long-term relationship. After all that happened I had to sit with myself, cry, scream and come to accept what hurt me. But also I had to make the choice to either forgive this person or continue to allow this person to have a place in MY world that she never really held in the first place. I forgave. Not for him, but for me! Also, for “HER” ! I felt a sense of sympathy for the person she is, who she needs to still allow herself o grow into, and I found myself thanking her for being everything needed in order to show “US” both what we needed to do in order to maintain longevity.

 

her

After reading this letter over and over. I finally came to the realization that my place was never taken. It was never compromised; merely a wake up call to what was needed in my life. This was vulnerability. Being able to show my heart, say how I felt, and not be afraid to be happy with someone who only had intentions to love me in all the correct ways. Which was something until meeting “HIM,” I had never experienced. See we all play a part in the things that happen in our world. Even if we don’t want to take the time to admit it. I accepted my fear of happiness pulled us apart. But the determination to love unconditionally brought us back together !

To “HER”, you are forgiven! and Thank you!